Hi All,
Requesting your review comments for the essay.
Question is on career progression and how MBA would help in meeting long-term career goals.
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
and that has made all the difference - Robert Frost
Six months ago I had two roads to choose from, one as a consultant and the other as a social reformer.
Since my first job, I have envisioned myself as a strategic consultant in a big four consulting firm. I worked towards building my credibility and knowledge by authoring international papers, gaining certifications and working with the best consulting firms in India.
In 2006, I became part of a mission- Ensure quality education at affordable costs to children from poor economic backgrounds; I had stepped into my wife's charitable organization. Though our mission is to ensure education, most of the families we deal with find it difficult to even dream of education. I not only work with the families to convince them on providing their children good education but also work with them to build their cash inflow.
Soon I realized what I was working on was just the tip of the iceberg. I had a bigger challenge of providing a sustainable solution to these families.
After graduating I want to develop my institution along with my wife and expand its network that will collectively work for a common objective.
ISB for me is a place where I will not only gain knowledge but also forge my thought process. The intense one year programme will build my knowledge and mettle to take on and work on my purpose. Also, WCED at ISB is a place where a lot of students have launched their passion, and I would like to make the best use of this excellent facility to build on what I believe in.
It would be great if you could help me build this essay as a stand alone, though the essay is backed up by other essays.
I like how you open up with a poem... try elaborating your ideas and you will have a great essay :)
Good Luck!
thanks yangsk8er will try bringing up the next version soon. Will help if you could elaborate more on it :)
I like the poem, too. It leads nicely into your second paragraph:
But, 6 months back (SIX MONTHS AGO,) I had two roads to choose from. One with a journey as a consultant, something I have been working for over the past seven years and the other as a social reformer, something I begun three years back. (TRY TO USE A MORE SPECIFIC WORD THAN 'something' and the verb 'have been working' if you are still doing this now.)
You repeatedly use the term (xyz YEARS or months BACK) and should simplify by recounting events in some order or chronology.
Then you can continue with your first paragraph:
After graduating from ISB, I plan to start a NGO to help underprivileged children build a sustainable living (WOULD HELP TO GET SPECIFICS OF HOW.)
This next section doesn't really fit - do you intend to demonstrate your qualifications as a consultant? (What kind of consultant?) Maybe this fits better when you talk about building your skill set by attending ISB:
Five years back, I envisioned myself as a strategic consultant in a big four (WHAT BIG FOUR??) Ever since I worked towards it by building my credibility and knowledge. I authored international papers, gained certifications and worked with one of the best consulting firms in India.
Hi linmark,
Thanks for the feedback. I am working on the review comments given and will get back soon.
BTW:
i thought "big four" would be clear coz they are McKinzey, KPMG, Delloitte and EY. But if it is not clear will put a specific name :)...let me know your thoughts.
Thanks a ton!
