College is the finest thing that one should do after high school.
This is a simplistic, obvious thing to say, and not anything that is really helpful.
The first paragraph tells some things about you, but can you tell the story in a way that has a theme? End your first paragraph with a statement about your personal aspirations, and create a feeling of urgency because of the seriousness of your plan for college.
Yes, as I finish reading it, I see that it is well-written. You write very clearly, and without errors. I just think the essay needs a THEME!!
Give a memorable phrase in the first paragraph, and then refer to it a few times as you tell, throughout the essay, about the experiences you had.
:-)