A New Bike
It should be 1000-1500 words long
My current essay: As the sun appears on the horizon, it shines light on a man's new, fiber-glass bike that sits on his front porch. The man approaches the bike and decides to bike along the picturesque mountain trails near his home. As he's biking, the bike provides him with balance and allows him to move swiftly through the rough terrain with ease because of its light, ergonomic structure. Since the bike is new, it also gives the biker a peaceful state of mind knowing that the bike will not break. He then comes across a steep incline, and although he knows it will be arduous to go up the incline, he attempts it because the bike has the capability to do so. As he's going up, his heart races and his legs become achingly sore. Although hope seems to be in abyss, he finds the willpower to push forward; he knows that life can break him down into despair, but not giving up gives him the opportunity to achieve his highest potential. Both society and I share the physical characteristics that this bike has, which are: balance, the ability to quickly react to any given situation, and reliability. Just as the bike goes forward without stopping, when both society and I set forth to accomplish something, we too go forward and never quit in the process.
The way in which I relate to the balanced nature of this bike is that I have a balanced social and academic life. Having a balanced life is an integral moral that I follow. I believe that it's inappropriate to devote all of my time to social interaction, because this can jeopardize my success as a student, but I also believe that only focusing on studying will not make me a well-rounded individual in life. Also, just like a new bike has the ability to smoothly go around rocks and sharp turns on the road because of its light, efficient structure, I too, when presented with obstacles in life, am able to quickly react and resolve these obstacles. A recent example of this is when I almost got into a car crash a week ago. I was driving and came up to a four-way intersection. Right when I was about to cross the street, a car was suddenly heading towards me from the opposite direction. Without panicking, I immediately stopped, making sure that there were no pedestrians in sight, and avoided a near collision. Furthermore, just like a new bike is reliable and gives its rider confidence that it will not break, I too am reliable because people can always count on me to help them with a difficult dilemma they are facing. A recent example of this was when my friend was having difficulty coping with the loss of his grandfather. He called me saying that he could not focus on his schoolwork and asked for guidance on what to do. I came over to his dorm and spent the whole night with him, explaining that everything would be alright with time and a sense of hope. Because I was there for him, he had an easier time recovering from his tragic loss.
Our contemporary society is also similar to a bike's physical nature, as it is balances the power of government over the economy and the relationship between work and life. The balance between governmental powers over the economy is achieved through the mixed economic system. In this system, both market forces and government decisions determine which goods and services are produced and how they're distributed. Although the market has a strong influence, the government provides integral services with the money it creates, such as: national defense, assistance programs for low-income families, and interstate highways. In our contemporary society, because people are now more aware of the detrimental effects of a compulsive work ethic, they have made sure to create equilibrium between the quality of their life vs. time devoted to work. Reasons such as: not having time to spend with family and having relationships with loved ones deteriorate made people realize that this balance is essential.
After talking about how society is similar to a bike's physical nature in terms of being balanced, in this paragraph I want to talk about how society is reliable like a new bike in terms of the set of established laws.
Also, just as a bike goes forward with momentum and does not stop, in my life, I too push through difficulties and never give up, even when all hope seems to be lost, because as Thomas Edison stated: " I am not discouraged because every wrong attempt discarded is a step forward." An example of this was when I persevered through the toughest educational period of my life: Junior year. During this time, I found myself immersed in stress due to the pressure of achieving high marks on all assigned work. Every night I would go into my room, lock the door, and would do my work until it had been completed. Often times, I felt like giving up if I didn't understand something, and although I was calm on the outside, I was living in utter hell on the inside. Nonetheless, I never quit because I knew how important this year was in terms of being accepted into college. Another example of my relentless ambition is when my parrot was lost and I searched day and night in order to find him. It happened last year when my sister decided to take him out into the sun because she thought he didn't have enough freedom. However, she forgot that his wings weren't clipped and when a truck zoomed by, he flew off into the neighboring forest. I was astonished to hear this and immediately, without any shoes on, ran into the forest to find him. I endlessly searched for hours, but there was no trace of him. I desperately screamed his name "Numa," but there wasn't a response. It was almost night-time and my father said it was impossible to find him. I disagreed. I then realized that I had to make a very loud noise in order to find, and I did just that. To my surprise, it worked and eventually we retrieved him from a tree. By never giving up, my ambition prevailed.
The nature of our society also portrays the ongoing momentum of a new bike. Our society continually strives to achieve new heights in technological advancements for the purpose of making peoples' lives easier; if society cannot find a solution, they continue researching until a solution is acquired. An example of our society's nature to continually move forward with technology, going passed assumed limits, is the advancement we've made in curing major forms of cancer with revolutionized techniques and innovative technology. Unlike before, we now have less invasive and more accurate surgery with the help of nanotechnology. We have improved ways to deliver radiation therapy without damaging healthy cells. We also have more knowledge about proteins, genes, and cells, which allows us to understand the true basis of cancerous formation-this will guide us in the direction of creating better methods of treatment. Due to the brilliant research scientists, incidence rates have fallen (provide exact number). Yet even with the achievements we've made, society is continually exploring better methods of treatment and hopes to create a permanent solution for this debilitating disease. Another example of technological advancement is the ways we've found to sustain the environment. Examples such methods are (). Society is still committing to find better sustainable energy sources with current research.
My concerns for what I have written so far: I feel that my introductory paragraph, where I'm describing a biking experience, doesn't smoothly connect with my thesis. The thesis is: Both society and I share the physical characteristics that this bike has, which are: balance, the ability to quickly react to any given situation, and reliability. Just as the bike goes forward without stopping, when both society and I set forth to accomplish something, we too go forward and never quit in the process.
It's wrong that I say a bike goes forward without stopping, correct? Technically, the biker is the one that propels the bike forward, but the point at which I'm trying to get is that because it is a new, generation bike, it travels faster and smoother. How do I make the point of how both I and society go forward without stopping like a new bike?
Also, are my transitions from one paragraph to the other smooth?
Please critique my essay and provide helpful insight, thank you.