Several members of my family have attended or taught at women's colleges. My maternal grandmother taught biology at Spelman College. My mother and her three sisters are Smith College Alumnae, and my sister is currently a sophomore at Wellesley College. ( Not really nessesary information.)
I would suggest less of a focus on your families connection with women's colleges and focus more on specifically why Barnard is a fit for you. Yes, your sister really flourished at Wellesley. but that's not Barnard. What besides the fact that Barnard is a women's college appeals to you, or fits what you want for a college experience. There are plenty of other women's colleges, but why Barnard
? My college counselor really stressed to be very specific in these " Why X college essays " . I could easily replace Barnard with Wellesley and New York City with Boston, and the essay would make perfect sense. Admissions counselors have told me at information sessions, that they will read these "Why essays" and if they can replace their college with another, they assume it was a copy-paste essay and do not think very highly of it.
Juliette Gordon Low or J Glow as I like to call her, is the founder Girl Scouts in the United States and she is my hero. I have been a
Girl Scouts Girl Scout ]since I was four and attended hundreds of meetings .
The experience has helped form the women I am today. I would begin by very happily
J Glow of all the wonderful things Girl Scouts have done since she founded them 101 years ago. Then I would thank J Glow for you giving me and so many other women an organization that taught us to make our own definition of beauty, reminded us that we have to duty to serve others, and most importantly,
showed us that the bonds of sisterhood are unbreakable.
This is a good essay, but not very memorable. It's kind of cookie- cutter. Try to add more of your personality into this essay and try to make it more unique. I like the tidbit of calling her J Glow, that makes the essay more unique and personal. Maybe you will have this conversation over a box of thin mints. Have fun with it!