Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 2


"MY ART" - My Greatest achievement in life has been my greatest failures throughtout life


AlisonHarr9 1 / -  
Nov 23, 2012   #1
PLEASE HELP!! I'm not the grestest at writing essays, so I will take any changes or crticism you have! The promt is- Describe in detail an outstanding, non-academic achievement, project or activity.

Thank you
----------------------------------------------------------------- ----- ----------------------------------------
Winning- the word alone is filled with so much pride. To be the best, to brag, to be known for something. Losing, however, is a better learning expierence in itself; after all, what good is winning everything you've ever tried at, if you lern and improve from losing.

Every trimester, the art teacher at my school, Mrs. Shippy, would have her painting students inncorpirate two paintings they found off the internet into an image they have created for the final project. She offered everyone the opprotunity to display their work in a local grocery store. My junior year, I was one of those students.

I was so thrilled to finally see my art displayed in a public setting. It was like a dream. I incorpirated two paintings I found on a local art website. I asked the srtists if I could use their ideas, and they said yes! I began work immediatley.

I worked day and night, and before long my painting was on display in the stores coffee shop. My hard work had finally paid off, and everyone loved it. Well, almost everyone.

The paintings were suppose to be on display for the week, but unfortunatley mine was only displayed for the first two days. Apparently, three middle aged women didn't find my piece as enjoyable as my peers, so they demanded it be taken down immediatley.

My gut dropped, and my body went numb as my tacher broke the news to me. I was only seventeen, and my work was already being critcized. My teacher apologized,and now she uses my expierence as an example to her other classes.

I may not have had the best first time expierence with displaying my art, but I did learn something. It doesn't metter if anyone likes what I create, what matters most is if I like it, and if I'm proud of myself. Which isn't that the greatest achievement of all?

----------------------------------------------------------------- ----- ----------------------------------------------------
FortuitousMW 3 / 8  
Nov 28, 2012   #2
Hi, AlisonHarr9, I think the best part of your essay is that you clearly describe the "painting" event. That means you really focus on one specific event and not to story from the topic. That is really good.

Parts that I don't really like about your essay are:
1). You have some "tiny" spelling errors. Such as tacher = teacher, lern = learn and srtists = artists
2). It is better to write complete sentence in the beginning sentences. key words of your topic are "achievement" and "failure". I don't really know your are talking about achievement and failure since "winning" and "losing" have no relate with those two things. They sound more like you were having a match in your painting.

However, I learned something from reading your essay :) I now have a basic idea on how to describe an event specifically. I often describe many similar events in one essay, that's sometimes worse than those describe one event throughout the whole essay, isn't it.

Wish You the Best!
-FortuitousMW-


Home / Undergraduate / "MY ART" - My Greatest achievement in life has been my greatest failures throughtout life
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳