My addiction to fashion started when I was very young; Fashion Merchandising @ FIT

Upon entering my bedroom, turning to your right you will find a picture of the Dior Homme suit that I have been drooling over for the past couple of weeks. If you now turn your attention to the opposing wall, you will find that my wallpaper has been replaced with various magazine advertisements showing off the talents of world-renowned designers such as Alexander McQueen and Alberta Ferreti. My addiction to fashion started when I was very young. While well before my teens I always kept an active interest in what my classmates were wearing, this interest soon transferred to what models and celebrities were wearing. Now, not a day goes by without me browsing online to see what the latest trends are and who is setting them.

In High School, I fed my addiction through taking on the role of fashion editor of my school newspaper. In doing this, I would include a photo each week of who I thought to be the best-dressed girl. My weekly report would include a summary of what trends were taking place in our school and where to find them. This would require me taking a visual note of what items girls were wearing, for example ballet flats, and which stores were selling them. I continued on this path in college by once again starting the first fashion column in my school newspaper. Here I extended my research into which designers failed and which succeeded at Fashion Week, trends young people should leave behind, and where to find the best bang for your buck. While this fed my addiction, I was vaguely aware that my classmates were never as enthralled by the beauty of a Marchesa gown as me. Hence, the main reason for my interest in transferring to FIT. Having spent time analyzing fashion trends and noticing what sells and what doesn't, my desire to be in a fashion merchandising program has only grown.

Throughout the last two years I have participated in internships that have allowed me to further my knowledge of the fashion industry and prepare myself to be in fashion merchandising. During my first year of college, I completed an internship at a high-end women's boutique called Zanna. I was asked to come back and interned at Zanna for another year. While at Zanna, I worked along side the owner of the boutique and became directly involved in all aspects of the boutique. This included everything from helping customers decide what looked good on them to assisting my boss in various business decisions. My knowledge of which colors, prints, and types of clothing would sell grew exponentially along with my time spent there.

This experience prepared me to pursue another internship currently at a high-end boutique titled Caren & Company. Having started there early this past summer, I have been able to receive more hands-on experience in crucial business decisions while being vocal with my opinion on what will sell and what won't. I assisted in every aspect of the store by dressing mannequins, assisting customers, and developing a close relationship with my boss that allowed me to familiarize myself with the business aspects of fashion.

At this point in my life, I am confident that my past experiences, those of which include two internships and having served as fashion editor for two newspapers, have provided me with an abundance of knowledge that will make me more than able to succeed at the Fashion Institute of Technology. Fashion Merchandising will allow me to use my knowledge of business and passion for styles and trends in order to create a successful career for myself as a fashion buyer. I have wanted to be a fashion buyer without any hesitation for many years and know that I will be able to fulfill this goal. The Fashion Institute of Technology is the perfect place for me to apply my skills and jumpstart my career.

Very convincing essay. I only have two small suggestions:
1) Is FIT particularly known for its fashion merchandising program? Mention some specific classes, internships, unique aspects or faculty. This would complete the point on why you want to transfer (aside from disinterested classmates.)


2) Use the addiction metaphor only once. It stands out when you use it twice.

Well said! I agree. It is great that the room reflects the scholarly intention.

Well, I can't really say I understand anything about fashion (If you saw how I dress you would know what I mean), so I really am unqualified to talk about the field.

But I can tell you about Essay Fashion!
First, let's add a thesis statement that will help the reader get her bearings:
Now, not a day goes by without me browsing online to see what the latest trends are and who is setting them. (add a thesis statement that tells the central idea of the whole essay)

Do not capitalize high school.

When essays were first being written by people like Montaigne, it was fashionable to meander and digress, and be very casual. But nowadays it is fashionable to have a clear thesis statement at the end of the first para, and then in the conclusion para drive home that profoundly meaningful idea.

Right now, your conclusion tells me your meaningful idea is "create a successful career for myself" but I think you can do better. I think you can connect this aspiration to your life philosophy, your moral philosophy, your other interests, and really leave the reader with a new insight that they had never considered.

Kevin's final comment was excellent. (Wish I had made it!)


My reason for not mentioning the "cliche' ending is because it has become so predictable (and sadly, acceptable) as the least objectionable or least risky form of expression that like watching FOX TV, you just don't notice or react anymore. Not noticing may not be in your favor when it comes to making an unforgettable impression on the reader - that is what Kevin is trying to encourage you to do.