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Writing college admission, application, and scholarship essays

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Transfer Essay: Meaningful interest to complete the application.

3 - Hi Jiang, it is with utmost respect that I write this insights to your essay. Respect as I believe, pursuing your passion,...

UndergraduateJo1nnyJiang - Yesterday / justivy03 - Yesterday
Transfer Essay on Entrepreneurship: My Business is a Better World. Help edit grammar and content

3 - The word limit is 500. I'm definitely over that. Can you help me cut it down?...

Undergraduategreenlemonade - May 2, 2016 / greenlemonade - Yesterday
What Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up? - Personal Statement College Essay

7 - @justivy03 Thank you so much!...

UndergraduateJeffreyGuy - Apr 28, 2016 / JeffreyGuy - Apr 30, 2016
Help me to check my gramatically essays for AAS

4 - thank you for your help and also the advice :) I will fix it again and I hope it can be...

Undergraduateazalea13 - Apr 28, 2016 / azalea13 - Apr 28, 2016
I realize that my dream of becoming an astronaut is turning into a reality

2 - This is a beautifully constructed phrase; I think maybe you are a better writer than you think!! I have some other...

UndergraduateJuanSebastianR - Apr 25, 2016 / chenghao - Apr 27, 2016
"Overcoming Adversities" - My College Readmission Essay

9 - Hi Brandi, Your essay looks good to me. Fifth paragraph: ... will allow me to be a more...

Undergraduategreyfidelity - Apr 22, 2016 / JuanSebastianR - Apr 25, 2016
This is my final essay for my Introduction to Religion class. 'My spiritual journey with religion'

4 - I love the introduction in the essay. You begin by using the present tense. A great way to let the reader feel...

UndergraduateJuanSebastianR - Apr 22, 2016 / wongda - Apr 25, 2016
"Exploring my abilities" Transfer Waitlist Personal Statement for UC Davis

3 - Limonov, welcome to EssayForum! This is the place where you can find a lot of valuable feedback regarding to many types of...

UndergraduateCawaLimon - Apr 24, 2016 / ichanpants89 - Apr 25, 2016
How will the proposed to your career?

4 - Thank you very much for both of your feedback. It will be a great help....

Undergraduateluseveiogo - Apr 23, 2016 / luseveiogo - Apr 24, 2016
'fascinated by medical science' - University of Sydney will uplift my standards

3 - Luse, I have read your essay and noticed that some of sentences need revision. I reckon that the flow of ideas is...

Undergraduateluseveiogo - Apr 15, 2016 / ichanpants89 - Apr 16, 2016
LEADERSHIP APPLICATION; tutoring/classroom assistance and noon-time/spirit activities

4 - Leadership Application Connie...

UndergraduateConnie31124 - Apr 9, 2016 / Connie31124 - Apr 9, 2016
Biochemistry - UC Davis Waitlist; I have been instantly adapted to its community

5 - Tito, first impression of the first sentence is essential. Perhaps you can take a look from an opening sentence of my personal...

Undergraduatettitogo - Apr 7, 2016 / ichanpants89 - Apr 9, 2016
Bowling sport - college admission! help correct my grammars / change words to better ones

5 - ... , most people thought that this is a rough sport which are only meant for boys, so they usually will be...

Undergraduatekriscasso - Mar 6, 2016 / nelarizka79 - Apr 7, 2016
"Short term," "Five years," "Ten years," and "Thirty years." Undergraduate Transfer Essay

6 - I am so excited about the great feedbacks, acs121, TJLuschen, EF_Carol, and Kimbong93! Thank you! I'm working on fixing the essay now...

Undergraduatekev510 - Apr 1, 2016 / kev510 - Apr 4, 2016
College admissions essay about my most important achievements - competition and community service

4 - Hi Liltheman, I think you had the right idea in trying to help the reader capture an imagery, but bring up...

UndergraduateLiltheman - Mar 26, 2016 / kev510 - Apr 1, 2016
'A4-sized white paper' - transfer - flow of the essay, grammar, word choices, and overall feeling

3 - Hi Kevin, Overall I liked your creativity and your writing was excellent, but it's not fitting for a transfer essay. Instead,...

Undergraduatekev510 - Mar 27, 2016 / EzraKoenigsDad5 - Apr 1, 2016
To get enrolled in school - Personal statement for college admission

2 - Dear writer, I am really happy to read your essay. It is completely clear. But let me to give you any suggetions....

Undergraduateemanri88 - Mar 31, 2016 / Kimbong93 - Mar 31, 2016
How will your education at the Art institute of Dallas will help you attain your career goals?

3 - Hi Ali, I can see that you have a rather lengthy and meaningful help here from Juan and I hope this is...

UndergraduateRali6 - Mar 29, 2016 / justivy03 - Mar 30, 2016
'the right place for passionate, yet undecided people like me'. This is my Why Tulane essay

2 - I am the A student who took the time (...) from beginning to THE end. ... and others who have...

Undergraduatejason19955 - Mar 25, 2016 / ainirere - Mar 26, 2016
Why you decided to apply to the department/area of Sejong University to which you are applying?

7 - It seems okay, but I suggest you that include particular courses in Sejong Univ. I heard that they have great programs for...

Undergraduatehazeltrinh - Mar 21, 2016 / Feminist - Mar 24, 2016
ADMISSION DECISION APPEAL FOR UNIVERSITY OF WASHINGTON.. to take further consideration

2 - Note : It is better when you limit or reduce repetitive word , in this case the using of "University of Washington"....

Undergraduatemeltinggsoull - Mar 22, 2016 / Yusri31 - Mar 23, 2016
Physics, engineering and women. Describe your career goals and the level of their implementation

4 - Hi, Sara. Even though your essay is short, I get what you are trying to say. How about changing the first...

Undergraduatesarakhalaf - Mar 19, 2016 / Feminist - Mar 23, 2016
COMMON APP TRANSFER SYRACUSE: I Dream of becoming a Unifying Communicator

3 - - Specifically, I specifically desire - becauseas I believe - towards our unification. - without...

Undergraduateqasderwdw - Mar 20, 2016 / justivy03 - Mar 21, 2016
Following Nikola Tesla; Texas A&M Qatar Transfer Essay - Personal Statement - Mechanical Engineering

5 - Hi Waqas, I hope to further your essay, kindly find the corrections below; - induction experiment using a coil, -...

Undergraduatewaqametu - Mar 13, 2016 / justivy03 - Mar 21, 2016
Two essays. My main achievement and My best team experience. Need your opinion!

3 - HI ... we all experience failures in our pursuit of goals in pursuit our goals the second topic is you best...

Undergraduatelenovo_kz - Mar 15, 2016 / Desty22 - Mar 15, 2016
ROCHESTER TRANSFER SUPPLEMENT: THE SKY WAS NEVER BLUE

2 - Hi Sol, there's no question that you have a good approach in the essay and in answering the prompt, well the prompt...

Undergraduateqasderwdw - Mar 14, 2016 / justivy03 - Mar 15, 2016
NYU Gallatin International Transfer Essays

5 - Hi Dubois, for the second prompt, what I noticed is that the essay is quiet compact, meaning, when essays are this long,...

UndergraduateDuboisWoods - Mar 12, 2016 / justivy03 - Mar 15, 2016
Tufts Undergrad Transfer Supplemental Essays (REAL Program for non-traditional students)

4 - Perhaps the stuff that you cut out is the stuff that they want to see. For the first essay, instead of raving...

Undergraduatekev510 - Mar 13, 2016 / JuanSebastianR - Mar 13, 2016
COMMON APP TRANSFER: A Little Girl Taught Me How to Communicate

3 - Hi Sol, as much as I love reading your essay, I feel like it has way too much content and the reader...

Undergraduateqasderwdw - Mar 5, 2016 / justivy03 - Mar 8, 2016
Spelman girls. What can I add to my admission essay to make it more interesting original and longer

2 - Hi Natasha, I have read your essay and I would like to share some insights. To address your concern, this transfer essay...

Undergraduatemart8871 - Mar 7, 2016 / justivy03 - Mar 7, 2016
GT transfer application essay-- what interest you about your field of study

8 - Great! I love it... only thing, you should make it clearer that youre a girl......

Undergraduatexutong - Feb 26, 2016 / sn98 - Mar 4, 2016
Description of my interests and background in science and mathematics (Columbia Univ. Sci. Program)

3 - It sounds good... I would elaborate more on why you want to pursue a career in computer engineering. Also, as Lynn88Mr said,...

Undergraduateonly_gis - Mar 1, 2016 / sn98 - Mar 4, 2016
Our family business (when you stop trying you'll fail) - incidents in life and their impact

3 - Yash, as I read your essay, I can't help but see myself, I may not be a breadwinner in my family, however,...

Undergraduateyashj0001 - Mar 3, 2016 / justivy03 - Mar 4, 2016
The hardest of obstacles that bumped my road was starting a new life in a new country

3 - Hi Tran Thi, you need to explain how you overcome this situation, don't just talk about obstacle part, but explain how you...

Undergraduatetrth4t - Mar 2, 2016 / Ssakshijain - Mar 4, 2016
'I, as an individual, could make a difference'; GT-LEADERSHIP, PROGRESS AND SERVICE

4 - Hi Ivy, your both essays lack the same thing, the motivation behind making computers. Here, the prompt asked you to demonstrate the...

Undergraduatexutong - Feb 27, 2016 / Ssakshijain - Mar 4, 2016
An essay for National University of Singapore application to study in psychology

3 - Hi Lee, I would like to help in your essay and hopefully make things a little bit better for you. I...

UndergraduateWilsonSun - Mar 4, 2016 / justivy03 - Mar 4, 2016
How I see myself in next 10-years?

3 - Fitree, given the fact that English is not your mother tongue, this is a good essay, it has a creative content and...

Undergraduatefox_mx1291 - Mar 3, 2016 / justivy03 - Mar 4, 2016
Why did you choose field of study Rice - Torn Between Two Essays

6 - Yea that is true, but there was also the "why are you transferring" essay, which goes into depth about that. The essay...

Undergraduatecdan - Mar 3, 2016 / cdan - Mar 3, 2016
Transfer from UH to UTAustin; Statement of purpose; Comp. Sci. Major

6 - Sorry for late reply. This is going in the right direction. Some points I am looking for here are: My...

Undergraduatejpark97 - Feb 28, 2016 / Ssakshijain - Mar 2, 2016
"A life-changing Education" - How can I benefit from study at AUC?

3 - Hi Nouran! I think you have a very good start to your essay. It seems like you have done quite a bit...

Undergraduatesn98 - Feb 28, 2016 / Hiddengrace - Mar 2, 2016
"What effect has design had on you?"-UT Austin Transfer essay

2 - Lol congratulations, I notice that in the prompt the verb affected is spelled wrong by those who wrote it but in your...

Undergraduateemhill - Feb 28, 2016 / EF_Kevin - Mar 1, 2016
My Commonapp Personal Statement - no stranger to hardship

2 - Hi Kangwoon, Firstly, mention the prompt please always with your essay. Now while reading your essay,it was good but saying that money...

UndergraduateBuffBuff - Feb 28, 2016 / Ssakshijain - Mar 1, 2016
WELLESLEY 100 essay: A Hugely Ambitious Sisterhood

4 - Okay, I edited the first paragraph and added this: One project I have always hoped to be a part of...

Undergraduateki182 - Mar 1, 2016 / ki182 - Mar 1, 2016
Think Economics - help me with my personal statement

2 - In the whole essay I liked this part " the logical way of thinking in Economics is not guaranteed to be the...

Undergraduatebenjaminxiao01 - Mar 1, 2016 / Mr pitbull - Mar 1, 2016
APPLICATION for Bio@tech summer program at Georgia Tech

2 - Hi Mahant, your essay showed your passion clearly. However, at some stages, you are diverting from your passion and seems like as...

Undergraduatemahant373 - Feb 28, 2016 / Ssakshijain - Mar 1, 2016
Always something to improve in China. Transfer Commonapp personal essays.

2 - ---Without secure drinking water and other fundamental infrastructures---Without reliable drinking water and other fundamental infrastructures, --- the poor living situation there surprised...

Undergraduatetifflipc - Feb 28, 2016 / Rocky529440 - Mar 1, 2016
Georgia Tech is leadership, progress and service - successfully demonstrated this motto it my life

3 - thank you for your help ill work it out tonight. and post it....

Undergraduatejhayea - Feb 27, 2016 / jhayea - Feb 28, 2016
Islamophobia is an important social issue. UT transfer topic E.

5 - Hello zeeshan! I loved the personal stories you shared and I think the middle of your essay is poetic-like. However I think...

Undergraduatehirohussain - Feb 27, 2016 / caro5ca - Feb 28, 2016
'extenuating circumstances' - Statement of Purpose for Transferring to UT Austin as an UNDERGRADUATE

6 - Thank you Katheryn! I will definitely take your advice into account. I agree that my statements are not well connected and I'll...

Undergraduatecaro5ca - Feb 19, 2016 / caro5ca - Feb 28, 2016
Statement of Purpose for transferring to UIUC as an undergraduate student withless than 300 words

7 - I have rewritten my essay, and with another version which is written by a counselor. Would you please take a look and...

UndergraduateJo1nnyJiang - Feb 19, 2016 / Jo1nnyJiang - Feb 28, 2016
Aetas people. Transfer Essay Common App Prompt: provide a statement that addresses your reasons..."

6 - Merged: Last Minute Edits - Transfer to GWU Common App Prompt: "Why transfer?" Hi everyone! I posted the essay already...

Undergraduatedaisylad - Feb 9, 2016 / daisylad - Feb 28, 2016
A 200 word limit essay on what I have done, am doing, and plan to do in regards to my degree choice.

3 - Thank you for the feedback! It is much appreciated. What I changed in the paper (At least, I hope I...

Undergraduatequrfy - Feb 27, 2016 / qurfy - Feb 27, 2016
'You are a female, do not bother going to college' SOP essay for transfering to UT

8 - I meant post it here, as in on the forum. :) I'll take a look at your essay in its original thread....

Undergraduatecaro5ca - Feb 22, 2016 / Hiddengrace - Feb 27, 2016
"A Sea Hawk Route to Success" - College Transfer Essay - Former Military

2 - Hi, Evan It is an impressive and vivid essay because of tow periods you described, experience in Marine Corps and CFCC,...

UndergraduateEScott1313 - Feb 26, 2016 / eric41061 - Feb 26, 2016
The Importance of Education - UT Prompt; Knowledge is profitable

4 - Dear Christopher, I really liked the topic of your essay. It is very true that our education system has become...

Undergraduatecb4011 - Feb 25, 2016 / Ethan M - Feb 26, 2016
Essay for Accelerated Nursing Program: describe your motivation or desire to become a nurse.

3 - hi keriyao I think your essay is quite good, however i did like to make a few suggestions. In paragraph three...

Undergraduatekeriyao - Feb 25, 2016 / maapokua - Feb 26, 2016
Self introduction essay for World friends Korea Coodinator

3 - Hi, bamba, Here come some suggestions: 1.background You say "That experience was really helpful to me, though it was quite...

Undergraduatebamba - Feb 25, 2016 / Crystal812 - Feb 25, 2016
Common essay at Purdue Describe a problem you`ve solved or a problem you`d like to solve.

2 - Hi there! Welcome to Essay Forum. After reading your essay, I'm not quite sure that you have followed the instructions...

Undergraduateliancheng - Feb 25, 2016 / Hiddengrace - Feb 25, 2016
Transfer admission essay for Georgia Tech. I need help forming an excellent essay which I lack of.

19 - Juan, while I think you've done a remarkable job over all the iterations of your essay, you still need to brush up...

UndergraduateJuanSebastianR - Jan 28, 2016 / aikoashiya - Feb 25, 2016
Statement of Intent for a Transfer Application

2 - Hi, Grant, From your application, I know that you really want to transfer to major in areas about Japan. Do allow...

Undergraduateballstowall - Feb 24, 2016 / Crystal812 - Feb 24, 2016

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