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|Activity or employment opportunity / Queen's Commerce contribution / decision to persevere & to quit
3 - As far as your second essay goes, I'm not really sure what you've written is an appropriate answer for the prompt. It...
Undergraduatekoalababy - 12:19am / Hiddengrace - 09:26pm
|"How can you benefit from the education at AUC?" Dream of becoming successful
1 - Everyone wants to achieve her or his dreams, but sometimes it can be quite challenging to acquire, As a student trying so...
Undergraduatesnasser - 02:23pm / — -
|Three magical wishes: free Palestine, owning a horse, visiting Venice in Italy
NEW - Each person in this world has his own cute wishes ,but I am one of those who have a great fabulous wishes...
UndergraduateNabiha8885 - 02:16pm / — -
|My uniqueness. Transfer Personal Statement for Texas A&M University at Qatar
NEW - i am a freshman applying to texas a&m university qatar in their mechanical program. right now i am enrolled in environmental engineering...
Undergraduatewaqametu - 02:03pm / — -
|An experience that taught you about yourself or the world... UBC Personal Profile (Computer Science)
3 - Hi Kingsley! Welcome to EF! Definitely agreeing with Louisa once again. This essay isn't really centered around the prompt- your overall...
UndergraduateNad720 - Feb 11, 2016 / Hiddengrace - Yesterday
|Personal essay---In the journey of life, time writes so many stories, so many characters emerge,
14 - When an essay is properly reviewed, restructured, and revised, the originally negative sentiments can be used in a proper manner, thus making...
UndergraduateSubhasis - Feb 8, 2016 / vangiespen - Yesterday
|Explain unique aspects of your academic background or valued experiences you may have had
NEW - TOPIC: The statement of purpose will provide an opportunity to explain any extenuating circumstances that you feel could add value to your...
Undergraduateelizabethc - Yesterday / — -
|Taiwan and the hidden talents. SoP- Applying for master program - Arts management, administration.
5 - Louisa, What you said is very pertinent, I just need someone like you, standing away to see how the mess I was...
Undergraduateeric41061 - Feb 11, 2016 / eric41061 - Yesterday
|Leadership, progress, and service during the past three years. Georgia Tech admission essay.
4 - Juan, when you are asked to represent 3 character traits in an essay, never, ever, make the mistake of presenting 3 separate...
UndergraduateJuanSebastianR - Feb 9, 2016 / vangiespen - Yesterday
|How to write a short structured, autobiography - AppState Hayes Music School Essay
3 - Rebecca, you failed to mention where you come from in the first paragraph. That was the first required information in that paragraph...
Undergraduatemynormalface - Feb 10, 2016 / vangiespen - Yesterday
|What you would like to be for one day / Why Franklin & Marshall? F&M Supplements
5 - Calvin, both of your ideas would work well. However, I think that being a humanitarian aid worker would have more of an...
Undergraduateleesanity7 - Feb 6, 2016 / vangiespen - Yesterday
|GeorgiaTech Transfer Essays (Civil Engineering)
9 - Hi WAQAMETU, Your essay looks better than the first draft. I will provide you with grammar and sentence structure help. ...
Undergraduatewaqametu - Feb 10, 2016 / JuanSebastianR - Feb 11, 2016
|Aetas people. Transfer Essay Common App Prompt: provide a statement that addresses your reasons..."
5 - Thank you for your feedback, everyone! I really appreciate them. After seeing your comments, I agree that I need to focus on...
Undergraduatedaisylad - Feb 9, 2016 / daisylad - Feb 11, 2016
|Receiving this scholarship would bring me one step closer to making my biggest dream a reality.
3 - Hi Summer. I think you've got a good start with this draft. 250 words is not a lot of space to convey...
Undergraduatesummerhollins - Feb 10, 2016 / Hiddengrace - Feb 10, 2016
|One of the benefits of growing up in a developing country was that I got to see my city be built.
5 - Made some changes. how can i improve it further. thanks Growing up watching documentaries like "An Inconvenient Truth", I wanted to...
Undergraduatewaqametu - Feb 5, 2016 / waqametu - Feb 10, 2016
|Transfer admission essay for Georgia Tech. I need help forming an excellent essay which I lack of.
6 - Hi VANGIESPEN and everyone else, Your feedback has been very helpful. I revised the essay, and I am now below the...
UndergraduateJuanSebastianR - Jan 28, 2016 / JuanSebastianR - Feb 9, 2016
|'scene on a TV'. University of Florida - I'm super nervous for my status let me know what you think!
4 - I grew up in humble beginnings to beginnings in a family of seven. Yet at the same time, (with coma)...
UndergraduateGab - Jan 8, 2016 / ADIE08 - Feb 9, 2016
|TAMU Statement of Purpose Essay, Biochemisty Major. Not sure if prompt is answered correctly.
8 - Sorry, that is against the forum regulations. You will just have to post the essay here again for editing. This is an...
UndergraduateMansif13 - Feb 8, 2016 / vangiespen - Feb 8, 2016
|Descriptive writing : A outdoor festival in winter in a cold climate
4 - Thanks very much, actually I did research on various writing styles, so I thought might as well combine it all and use...
UndergraduateSamuelsam123 - Feb 8, 2016 / Samuelsam123 - Feb 8, 2016
|Teachers only teach the rules, but winners - winners make the rules. Personal statement!
17 - I already decided to delete them. I just wanted to make sure that should I delete all of them or only the...
UndergraduateRocky529440 - Feb 4, 2016 / Rocky529440 - Feb 7, 2016
|To Learn and to Fix. UW-Seattle Transfer Personal Statement
3 - Felix, your essay is hard to review because we cannot refer to the list of prompt requirements as we read your essay....
Undergraduatefelixrioprabowo - Feb 6, 2016 / vangiespen - Feb 7, 2016
|Describe qualifications / abilities and attributes. Application to the Kelley School of Business
2 - Abrar, you should vary the opening sentences of your paragraphs. You can't always say "I believe" because that causes reading fatigue. Try...
Undergraduatelurkerotherwise - Feb 6, 2016 / vangiespen - Feb 7, 2016
|"Renovated Habits". Low-GPA; Essay needed for admission; Need revision
4 - Corey, the essay has way too many redundancies. You keep going around in circles saying the same thing when what you should...
Undergraduatecorey3236 - Feb 6, 2016 / vangiespen - Feb 7, 2016
|Common app activity---Spending time in solving problems or thinking something for more than an hour.
11 - You can do whatever you want in the activity. After all, you are the one preparing to apply to college. In my...
UndergraduateMr pitbull - Feb 5, 2016 / vangiespen - Feb 6, 2016
|The University of Waterloo is renowned for its incredible co-op program and courses. WHY Waterloo?
4 - So i revised it quite a bit. University of Waterloo's challenging courses aid in pushing the limits of my theoretical...
Undergraduateabdulrsno1 - Feb 5, 2016 / abdulrsno1 - Feb 5, 2016
|"Growing up and Realizing what I want" - UW transfer personal statement
4 - Alexander, my apologies for thinking that the essay required the portion about your personal hardships and educational challenges as they were indicated...
Undergraduatecookie808 - Feb 4, 2016 / vangiespen - Feb 4, 2016
|Describe how you envision your two years in the Haas undergraduate program. Impact on peers.
2 - Melissa, you have a perfect start in response to the requirement of the prompt. However, you are too focused on the academic...
Undergraduatemelissatoorani - Jan 31, 2016 / vangiespen - Feb 3, 2016
|"best careers for INFJ's" - Common App Transfer Essay: Personal Statement
7 - Bleh, that's what I get for being slow. Well, it's always good to include things like goals and plans. Maybe include the...
Undergraduatehaleyaxelle - Feb 2, 2016 / Hiddengrace - Feb 2, 2016
|UIUC - best fit my ambitions and fulfill my desire to learn the statistics field. Transfer Essay
4 - Edward, I revised the essay for you. I made it smoother and edited it to present only the most relevant content for...
UndergraduateEdwardW - Jan 31, 2016 / vangiespen - Feb 2, 2016
|QUEENS COMMERCE SUPP. ESSAY - Pick a job and describe impact/greatest learning outcome
3 - Christina, what is the word limit on your essay? It seems like you wrote this in a rush so you were not...
UndergraduateChristinaS - Feb 1, 2016 / vangiespen - Feb 2, 2016
|Pre-Medical Post Bacc Personal Statement- Why med school? Any critiques/input are welcome :)
2 - Taniya, you should expand upon the part about your volunteering for with Doctors Without Walls Santa Barbara Street Medicine. This exposure seems...
Undergraduateucsbpremed - Feb 1, 2016 / vangiespen - Feb 2, 2016
|I learned my strength is smiling as it can help me conquer challenges -UBC personal Profile
4 - Hey @hiddengrace, sorry for the late reply, I was busy finishing up my UBC application! Thank you so much for putting such...
UndergraduateEthanchen1998 - Jan 31, 2016 / Ethanchen1998 - Feb 2, 2016
|"When i learned compromise" (expert) - FASHION INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY ADMISSION ESSAY Fashion merch
4 - Hi Malak! I think you have a really great start to your essay! I spotted some errors in grammar and punctuation; however,...
Undergraduatemalakessmat - Feb 1, 2016 / Hiddengrace - Feb 1, 2016
|One of the communities to which I belong is the community of tennis players both.
2 - Hi Nathan, I would like to share my thoughts on your essay and some corrections if necessary. - which I continue...
UndergraduateInterste11ar - Feb 1, 2016 / justivy03 - Feb 1, 2016
|Ohio State University - imagining 5-year-old myself - Essay for Honors Program
3 - -I often tell my mom that I looked exactly like a little swine at that time. Then mom she laughs -contrast...
Undergraduatenxst1316 - Feb 1, 2016 / Interste11ar - Feb 1, 2016
|I would continue one of my greatest passions - tennis (if forced to choose one of my activities)
2 - Nathan, your response is clear and provides the reviewer with an idea as to how tennis can help you become a better...
UndergraduateInterste11ar - Feb 1, 2016 / vangiespen - Feb 1, 2016
|Aspirations of serving my country. USNA ESSAY, I need as much help as I can get
2 - Hi Natalia, I would like to try and help out with your essay. Kindly find the corrections below; - It has...
Undergraduatenataliarivera98 - Jan 31, 2016 / justivy03 - Feb 1, 2016
|I am constantly improving and learning, and that is all that matters! UBC Personal Profile
3 - Thank you for your advice @Hiddengrace, when I was writing this, I thought about it too. I probably rewrite this one. Thanks!...
UndergraduateEthanchen1998 - Jan 31, 2016 / Ethanchen1998 - Jan 31, 2016
|Emerson Transfer Essay! If you were to write a story of your life, what would you title it and why?
7 - Hey Haleyaxelle, good job on your re-write! After you add on to the idea of you uncover the person I've always yearned...
Undergraduatehaleyaxelle - Jan 30, 2016 / Ethanchen1998 - Jan 31, 2016
|Keen interest in embracing a holistic and well-rounded development in my student life - extra info
2 - Andrew, here is something to keep in mind when writing an application essay. Explain it, don't list it. You always have to...
Undergraduateshadowhunter94 - Jan 31, 2016 / vangiespen - Jan 31, 2016
|'Three-hour drawing contest'; Admission essay - What makes you a perfect candidate?
3 - Thank you for helping me :) I made some adjustment and submitted it yesterday...
Undergraduatecinrb2312 - Jan 29, 2016 / cinrb2312 - Jan 31, 2016
|A holistic education is best for me - USC Transfer essay #1
5 - I think the content of your essay is good as it, just check for grammar and you are good to go....
Undergraduatepuykcyt - Jan 30, 2016 / cinrb2312 - Jan 31, 2016
|University of Toronto , One idea application
2 - Hmm. I'm just not sure what you're going for with this essay/ personal statement. It definitely is different and lacks the traditional...
Undergraduateanandrajeev - Jan 30, 2016 / Hiddengrace - Jan 30, 2016
|"From Childhood" - Statement of Purpose - SCAD (BFA in Animation)
3 - @Vangiespen- on point as always! What you have is good, I think, but I don't think it will help your...
UndergraduatePN31297 - Jan 29, 2016 / Hiddengrace - Jan 30, 2016
|Being independent and making exclusively own decisions. Family impact essay for UCF.
4 - Hello Abney, You have any gramatical error for instant. You should use any synonym, for that you don't repeat the same word ...
UndergraduateAbneyj - Jan 18, 2016 / wahyutri13 - Jan 30, 2016
|How can I benefit from education at AUC? The epitome of a successfully well-built arts university.
3 - Could you please to give space to divide the paragraph? It will obtain a clear vision for the reader. Education is...
Undergraduatemennaemad - Jan 29, 2016 / erin24 - Jan 29, 2016
|Psychology and sociology fields. How will studying in the American University in Cairo benefit me?
3 - i will be posting this essay taking in consideration that remarks that you gave me. thanks !...
Undergraduatemennaemad - Jan 25, 2016 / mennaemad - Jan 29, 2016
|Tell about a time you dealt with a problem and/or an unfamiliar situation. -UBC Personal essay
5 - Thank you for the insight! I love culinary arts and think every moment I experience in life is part of my journey....
UndergraduateWonka - Jan 28, 2016 / Wonka - Jan 29, 2016
|I was expected to work without sufficient training.
2 - Jenny, in order to better reflect the seeming hopelessness of your situation, you should better describe a specific incident at the workplace...
UndergraduateJennyLovesApple - Jan 29, 2016 / vangiespen - Jan 29, 2016
|TAMK UAS - I want to become an Energy & Environmental
6 - The essay still lacks focus, direction and a clear message that would properly address the various prompt questions. Let me take the...
Undergraduatentlinh - Jan 28, 2016 / vangiespen - Jan 29, 2016
|My UBC Personal Profile. Suggestions or corrections?
5 - Tell us about an experience, in school or out, that taught you something about yourself and/or the world around you. - There...
Undergraduatevineetreddy - Jan 28, 2016 / vangiespen - Jan 28, 2016
|"Showing Leadership Capabilities" Essay for Transfer App
7 - Thanks, that really helps with the work experience one. Don't worry about the last essay. I m working on the music one...
Undergraduateiveytransfer - Jan 27, 2016 / iveytransfer - Jan 28, 2016
|Pursuing political science to find equality - USC transfer supplemental essay
2 - Tiffany, there is no way that this response meets the prompt requirements. You have given the reviewer an overview of the path...
Undergraduatepuykcyt - Jan 27, 2016 / vangiespen - Jan 27, 2016
|U Mich Supplement:LSA Computer science and biology
7 - Thank you so much! Sorry my school's computer messed up the format when I tried to post it here :P But it...
UndergraduateDasam - Jan 25, 2016 / Dasam - Jan 27, 2016
|(the field of dietetics) Tell us why you decided to apply to the University of Wisconsin-Madison.
2 - Lai, you need to imagine more definite responses to the prompt questions. Specificity is important when you respond to these sort of...
Undergraduatekaihin - Jan 27, 2016 / vangiespen - Jan 27, 2016
|"When you get to college and still have as much interest as you do now, contact me". Transfer Essay
4 - Hi Alex :-) It is really good that you were able to find some real world help at your school to help...
Undergraduateatrain111 - Jan 26, 2016 / vangiespen - Jan 27, 2016
|My FIRST SALES EXPERIENCE - SMU ESSAY on the highlights of important achievements or contributions
7 - thankyou i appreciate your help :)...
Undergraduategiovanni_lucky - Jan 17, 2016 / giovanni_lucky - Jan 26, 2016
|As a leader, you need to work with your team and lead by example. Personal Profile
2 - Vincent, you are rehashing a response from a previous essay that was written for a different prompt. The evidence can be seen...
UndergraduateVincent123 - Jan 26, 2016 / vangiespen - Jan 26, 2016
|Post Study Plan in Hospitality Industry - Les Roches Marbella
3 - Andrei, try to place an emphasis on your actual plans in the essay. it doesn't impress the reviewer to have you using...
Undergraduatemad_swimmer - Jan 26, 2016 / vangiespen - Jan 26, 2016
|"Nothing in the world is worth having unless it means effort, pain, and difficulty". Naval Academy
3 - Stewart, I'm back for the rest of the essay. Kindly find the corrections and remarks below; The 3rd and 4th paragraph...
Undergraduatelandthief - Jan 25, 2016 / justivy03 - Jan 25, 2016
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