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|NYU Tisch Film and Television Personal Story Essay - grammar / good storytelling?
2 - Jordan, welcome to the team :) I hope that you find this website is fruitful towards your writing development. However, I notice...
Undergraduatejrayeveryday - 12:06am / ichanpants89 - 08:23pm
|Identity - rock climbing + what it brought to myself - how it affected me
10 - thanks for the help on my last essay, could you help me out again?...
UndergraduateArachnid - Dec 30, 2014 / Arachnid - Yesterday
|Transfer Essay: Meaningful interest to complete the application.
4 - Hey there! I'll try to focus on the flow as the content is really nice! Okay so: you say "the...
UndergraduateJo1nnyJiang - May 3, 2016 / Arachnid - Yesterday
|Am I happy where I am in life? Am I the person I want to be? Transition from childhood to Adulthood
3 - Hi David, here's my take on your essay. - When I entered high school , my freshman year, - ...
UndergraduateDavidTheHomie - May 25, 2016 / justivy03 - May 26, 2016
|Nepal is a lovely place to live in but can't provide a proper study environment - Canada Embassy SOP
7 - Rachana, I think there is no serious problem with the content of your essay. The flow of the ideas was pretty clear....
Undergraduateshova - May 11, 2016 / ichanpants89 - May 25, 2016
|What are your career goals and how do you expect your education at The Art Institute of Pittsburgh..
6 - I strongly believe that pursing my education at [...] create a portfolio to show that I got what it takes. Here...
Undergraduaterachaelspelic - May 25, 2016 / 13williamsm - May 25, 2016
|Semester at Sea Essay - A Voyage of a Lifetime
3 - Hi Courtney, I would like to WELCOME you to the Essay Forum Family, this website is aimed at providing you with the...
Undergraduatecscardecchio - May 25, 2016 / justivy03 - May 25, 2016
|'Pursuing a degree in Physical Therapy was never my first choice' SOP for Applying to PT school
3 - Hi Kaitlyn, indeed, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family! Now, when it comes to your SOP, I must say it's quiet...
Undergraduatekaitlyng24 - May 19, 2016 / justivy03 - May 23, 2016
|YSEALI is an opportunity to learn, experience and bring value to all others.
5 - Hi TJLuschen, Thank for your comment After posting I realized that I forgot to tell about my purpose. YSEALI...
Undergraduatetranthanhnga - May 18, 2016 / tranthanhnga - May 18, 2016
|"I deserve to be here" - Appeal/Waitlist Personal Statement for UCs
3 - Merged: Appeal/Waitlist Personal Statement for UCs How should I make this better and shorten it to 500 words? Thanks! [....]...
Undergraduatephbelu - May 14, 2016 / pahoehoe - May 15, 2016
|My mother is my model - she has had the greatest influence on my life
3 - Hi Trin, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family, may you find this website helpful as well as useful to your writing references...
Undergraduatenhocthienbinh - May 13, 2016 / justivy03 - May 14, 2016
|UCSD CSE Transfer Waitlist // New unique facilities, attracted by growth and change.
3 - Hi Jonathan, I would to share my thoughts on your letter. - student, that's interested - in augmentedaugmenting reality -...
Undergraduatejkiger - May 11, 2016 / justivy03 - May 11, 2016
|"Exploring my abilities" Transfer Waitlist Personal Statement for UC Davis
4 - -... which lead led me to conclude that at Davis... (lead is not past tense)...
UndergraduateCawaLimon - Apr 24, 2016 / jkiger - May 11, 2016
|Temple transfer essay from a biology major
4 - You need to remember that there is no wrong or right in making a personal statement as long as you have answered...
UndergraduateAcritton - May 9, 2016 / ichanpants89 - May 10, 2016
|Assistance Writing a vice-presidential Nomination Essay for West Point?
5 - Dear Jeremy, It is such a pleasure to be working with you today. Reading your essay was moving. I do think...
Undergraduatejeremylumbab - May 5, 2016 / JuanSebastianR - May 8, 2016
|What Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up? - Personal Statement College Essay
7 - @justivy03 Thank you so much!...
UndergraduateJeffreyGuy - Apr 28, 2016 / JeffreyGuy - Apr 30, 2016
|Help me to check my gramatically essays for AAS
4 - thank you for your help and also the advice :) I will fix it again and I hope it can be...
Undergraduateazalea13 - Apr 28, 2016 / azalea13 - Apr 28, 2016
|I realize that my dream of becoming an astronaut is turning into a reality
2 - This is a beautifully constructed phrase; I think maybe you are a better writer than you think!! I have some other...
UndergraduateJuanSebastianR - Apr 25, 2016 / chenghao - Apr 27, 2016
|"Overcoming Adversities" - My College Readmission Essay
9 - Hi Brandi, Your essay looks good to me. Fifth paragraph: ... will allow me to be a more...
Undergraduategreyfidelity - Apr 22, 2016 / JuanSebastianR - Apr 25, 2016
|This is my final essay for my Introduction to Religion class. 'My spiritual journey with religion'
4 - I love the introduction in the essay. You begin by using the present tense. A great way to let the reader feel...
UndergraduateJuanSebastianR - Apr 22, 2016 / wongda - Apr 25, 2016
|How will the proposed to your career?
4 - Thank you very much for both of your feedback. It will be a great help....
Undergraduateluseveiogo - Apr 23, 2016 / luseveiogo - Apr 24, 2016
|'fascinated by medical science' - University of Sydney will uplift my standards
3 - Luse, I have read your essay and noticed that some of sentences need revision. I reckon that the flow of ideas is...
Undergraduateluseveiogo - Apr 15, 2016 / ichanpants89 - Apr 16, 2016
|LEADERSHIP APPLICATION; tutoring/classroom assistance and noon-time/spirit activities
4 - Leadership Application Connie...
UndergraduateConnie31124 - Apr 9, 2016 / Connie31124 - Apr 9, 2016
|Biochemistry - UC Davis Waitlist; I have been instantly adapted to its community
5 - Tito, first impression of the first sentence is essential. Perhaps you can take a look from an opening sentence of my personal...
Undergraduatettitogo - Apr 7, 2016 / ichanpants89 - Apr 9, 2016
|Bowling sport - college admission! help correct my grammars / change words to better ones
5 - ... , most people thought that this is a rough sport which are only meant for boys, so they usually will be...
Undergraduatekriscasso - Mar 6, 2016 / nelarizka79 - Apr 7, 2016
|"Short term," "Five years," "Ten years," and "Thirty years." Undergraduate Transfer Essay
6 - I am so excited about the great feedbacks, acs121, TJLuschen, EF_Carol, and Kimbong93! Thank you! I'm working on fixing the essay now...
Undergraduatekev510 - Apr 1, 2016 / kev510 - Apr 4, 2016
|College admissions essay about my most important achievements - competition and community service
4 - Hi Liltheman, I think you had the right idea in trying to help the reader capture an imagery, but bring up...
UndergraduateLiltheman - Mar 26, 2016 / kev510 - Apr 1, 2016
|'A4-sized white paper' - transfer - flow of the essay, grammar, word choices, and overall feeling
3 - Hi Kevin, Overall I liked your creativity and your writing was excellent, but it's not fitting for a transfer essay. Instead,...
Undergraduatekev510 - Mar 27, 2016 / EzraKoenigsDad5 - Apr 1, 2016
|To get enrolled in school - Personal statement for college admission
2 - Dear writer, I am really happy to read your essay. It is completely clear. But let me to give you any suggetions....
Undergraduateemanri88 - Mar 31, 2016 / Kimbong93 - Mar 31, 2016
|How will your education at the Art institute of Dallas will help you attain your career goals?
3 - Hi Ali, I can see that you have a rather lengthy and meaningful help here from Juan and I hope this is...
UndergraduateRali6 - Mar 29, 2016 / justivy03 - Mar 30, 2016
|'the right place for passionate, yet undecided people like me'. This is my Why Tulane essay
2 - I am the A student who took the time (...) from beginning to THE end. ... and others who have...
Undergraduatejason19955 - Mar 25, 2016 / ainirere - Mar 26, 2016
|Why you decided to apply to the department/area of Sejong University to which you are applying?
7 - It seems okay, but I suggest you that include particular courses in Sejong Univ. I heard that they have great programs for...
Undergraduatehazeltrinh - Mar 21, 2016 / Feminist - Mar 24, 2016
|ADMISSION DECISION APPEAL FOR UNIVERSITY OF WASHINGTON.. to take further consideration
2 - Note : It is better when you limit or reduce repetitive word , in this case the using of "University of Washington"....
Undergraduatemeltinggsoull - Mar 22, 2016 / Yusri31 - Mar 23, 2016
|Physics, engineering and women. Describe your career goals and the level of their implementation
4 - Hi, Sara. Even though your essay is short, I get what you are trying to say. How about changing the first...
Undergraduatesarakhalaf - Mar 19, 2016 / Feminist - Mar 23, 2016
|COMMON APP TRANSFER SYRACUSE: I Dream of becoming a Unifying Communicator
3 - - Specifically, I specifically desire - becauseas I believe - towards our unification. - without...
Undergraduateqasderwdw - Mar 20, 2016 / justivy03 - Mar 21, 2016
|Following Nikola Tesla; Texas A&M Qatar Transfer Essay - Personal Statement - Mechanical Engineering
5 - Hi Waqas, I hope to further your essay, kindly find the corrections below; - induction experiment using a coil, -...
Undergraduatewaqametu - Mar 13, 2016 / justivy03 - Mar 21, 2016
|Two essays. My main achievement and My best team experience. Need your opinion!
3 - HI ... we all experience failures in our pursuit of goals in pursuit our goals the second topic is you best...
Undergraduatelenovo_kz - Mar 15, 2016 / Desty22 - Mar 15, 2016
|ROCHESTER TRANSFER SUPPLEMENT: THE SKY WAS NEVER BLUE
2 - Hi Sol, there's no question that you have a good approach in the essay and in answering the prompt, well the prompt...
Undergraduateqasderwdw - Mar 14, 2016 / justivy03 - Mar 15, 2016
|NYU Gallatin International Transfer Essays
5 - Hi Dubois, for the second prompt, what I noticed is that the essay is quiet compact, meaning, when essays are this long,...
UndergraduateDuboisWoods - Mar 12, 2016 / justivy03 - Mar 15, 2016
|Tufts Undergrad Transfer Supplemental Essays (REAL Program for non-traditional students)
4 - Perhaps the stuff that you cut out is the stuff that they want to see. For the first essay, instead of raving...
Undergraduatekev510 - Mar 13, 2016 / JuanSebastianR - Mar 13, 2016
|COMMON APP TRANSFER: A Little Girl Taught Me How to Communicate
3 - Hi Sol, as much as I love reading your essay, I feel like it has way too much content and the reader...
Undergraduateqasderwdw - Mar 5, 2016 / justivy03 - Mar 8, 2016
|Spelman girls. What can I add to my admission essay to make it more interesting original and longer
2 - Hi Natasha, I have read your essay and I would like to share some insights. To address your concern, this transfer essay...
Undergraduatemart8871 - Mar 7, 2016 / justivy03 - Mar 7, 2016
|GT transfer application essay-- what interest you about your field of study
8 - Great! I love it... only thing, you should make it clearer that youre a girl......
Undergraduatexutong - Feb 26, 2016 / sn98 - Mar 4, 2016
|Description of my interests and background in science and mathematics (Columbia Univ. Sci. Program)
3 - It sounds good... I would elaborate more on why you want to pursue a career in computer engineering. Also, as Lynn88Mr said,...
Undergraduateonly_gis - Mar 1, 2016 / sn98 - Mar 4, 2016
|Our family business (when you stop trying you'll fail) - incidents in life and their impact
3 - Yash, as I read your essay, I can't help but see myself, I may not be a breadwinner in my family, however,...
Undergraduateyashj0001 - Mar 3, 2016 / justivy03 - Mar 4, 2016
|The hardest of obstacles that bumped my road was starting a new life in a new country
3 - Hi Tran Thi, you need to explain how you overcome this situation, don't just talk about obstacle part, but explain how you...
Undergraduatetrth4t - Mar 2, 2016 / Ssakshijain - Mar 4, 2016
|'I, as an individual, could make a difference'; GT-LEADERSHIP, PROGRESS AND SERVICE
4 - Hi Ivy, your both essays lack the same thing, the motivation behind making computers. Here, the prompt asked you to demonstrate the...
Undergraduatexutong - Feb 27, 2016 / Ssakshijain - Mar 4, 2016
|An essay for National University of Singapore application to study in psychology
3 - Hi Lee, I would like to help in your essay and hopefully make things a little bit better for you. I...
UndergraduateWilsonSun - Mar 4, 2016 / justivy03 - Mar 4, 2016
|How I see myself in next 10-years?
3 - Fitree, given the fact that English is not your mother tongue, this is a good essay, it has a creative content and...
Undergraduatefox_mx1291 - Mar 3, 2016 / justivy03 - Mar 4, 2016
|Why did you choose field of study Rice - Torn Between Two Essays
6 - Yea that is true, but there was also the "why are you transferring" essay, which goes into depth about that. The essay...
Undergraduatecdan - Mar 3, 2016 / cdan - Mar 3, 2016
|Transfer from UH to UTAustin; Statement of purpose; Comp. Sci. Major
6 - Sorry for late reply. This is going in the right direction. Some points I am looking for here are: My...
Undergraduatejpark97 - Feb 28, 2016 / Ssakshijain - Mar 2, 2016
|"A life-changing Education" - How can I benefit from study at AUC?
3 - Hi Nouran! I think you have a very good start to your essay. It seems like you have done quite a bit...
Undergraduatesn98 - Feb 28, 2016 / Hiddengrace - Mar 2, 2016
|"What effect has design had on you?"-UT Austin Transfer essay
2 - Lol congratulations, I notice that in the prompt the verb affected is spelled wrong by those who wrote it but in your...
Undergraduateemhill - Feb 28, 2016 / EF_Kevin - Mar 1, 2016
|My Commonapp Personal Statement - no stranger to hardship
2 - Hi Kangwoon, Firstly, mention the prompt please always with your essay. Now while reading your essay,it was good but saying that money...
UndergraduateBuffBuff - Feb 28, 2016 / Ssakshijain - Mar 1, 2016
|WELLESLEY 100 essay: A Hugely Ambitious Sisterhood
4 - Okay, I edited the first paragraph and added this: One project I have always hoped to be a part of...
Undergraduateki182 - Mar 1, 2016 / ki182 - Mar 1, 2016
|Think Economics - help me with my personal statement
2 - In the whole essay I liked this part " the logical way of thinking in Economics is not guaranteed to be the...
Undergraduatebenjaminxiao01 - Mar 1, 2016 / Mr pitbull - Mar 1, 2016
|APPLICATION for Bio@tech summer program at Georgia Tech
2 - Hi Mahant, your essay showed your passion clearly. However, at some stages, you are diverting from your passion and seems like as...
Undergraduatemahant373 - Feb 28, 2016 / Ssakshijain - Mar 1, 2016
|Always something to improve in China. Transfer Commonapp personal essays.
2 - ---Without secure drinking water and other fundamental infrastructures---Without reliable drinking water and other fundamental infrastructures, --- the poor living situation there surprised...
Undergraduatetifflipc - Feb 28, 2016 / Rocky529440 - Mar 1, 2016
|Georgia Tech is leadership, progress and service - successfully demonstrated this motto it my life
3 - thank you for your help ill work it out tonight. and post it....
Undergraduatejhayea - Feb 27, 2016 / jhayea - Feb 28, 2016
|Islamophobia is an important social issue. UT transfer topic E.
5 - Hello zeeshan! I loved the personal stories you shared and I think the middle of your essay is poetic-like. However I think...
Undergraduatehirohussain - Feb 27, 2016 / caro5ca - Feb 28, 2016
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