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how do you expect your edu. at the art institute will help you attain you career goal

briannaj0110Threads: 1
Posts: 1
Author: Brianna Prince
Aug 31, 2012, 02:15pm   #1
what do you think of my application essay for college??

"how do you expect your education at the art institute will help you attain your career goals?Please respond to the following question with a focused, organized paragraph of at least 150 words."

Hi, my name is Brianna Prince and I expect that my education at the art institute will help me become a legendary chef along with open my own restaurants.I know that the chefs at the school will prepare me with the knowledge that i need to know to become successful.As a chef you must be very creative, and a school cant teach you that, but you must also know the basics of cooking and i wish to proceed my education here at the art institute.After i gradate for the art institute i plan to use what i learn to become a great chef and open not one but TWO great restaurants. I've been to the school and saw what blissful creation your students have made and i wish to be able to do the same. When i was at the school and heard the success stories and all the opportunity that could come to me from going to the art institute, i knew in my mind that i had to be going there when i graduated high school.

UncleTungstenThreads: 1
Posts: 3
Author: James Dolgin
Sep 1, 2012, 10:10pm   #2
First of all, some grammatical errors: ...legendary chef along with open my own restaurants should be changed. Maybe make that sentence I expect that my education at the art institute will help me become a legendary chef who will one day open her own restaurants. The third sentence is a run on. Also they probably already know your name, so you shouldn't reintroduce yourself. Proceed my education is also incorrect ; it should be continue my education

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