Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 3


The world of celebrities, makeup artist, hair stylists, and directors - my world


MonsterLuver 1 / 1  
Nov 28, 2010   #1
Hey guys, umm well I'm not that good of a writer so could you guys help my out and give me feedback please??

--Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Celebrities, makeup artist, hair stylists, and directors are my world. I know what your thinking, I'm not a actress, however I do extra work here and there, but that is beside the point. The point is, this is my life. I was brought into it because of my mom. She is a hairstylist for the entertainment industry. I already know the rumors associated with this industry, children who are raised in and around this environment turn out to be snobs who think they can boss people around and essentially believe that they are better then everyone else. However, that is not what I got out of being in and around this industry. This being my surroundings, my world, has shown me what is important hand has defiantly shape my dreams and aspirations.

Being apart of this environment, I receive connections whether I intend to or not. In this situation it is a good thing that I have some connections. During the Christmas season my mom was invited to attend a Christmas party and she was allowed to being her own guests, so of course she allowed me to tag along. To others, the fact that they would be around big names, such as Will Smith, Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, Samuel L. Jackson, and many more, would be so amazing. However, that was not my focus. My focus was the purpose of the Christmas party. This Christmas party was a Charity event hosted by St. Jude's Hospital for children. After being apart of a very successful charity event, I realized what was important in life and what I essentially wanted to do with mine. The whole idea of helping children sang out to me. These people attended just so they can help children who need it the most. This really inspired me to desire to be a future helper when it comes to the saving of lives.

One person in particular within this world of mine that I know has shaped my dreams and aspirations is an actress named Victoria Rowell. She is an author and actress who formally played the role of Drucilla on the Young and the Restless. I am super close to her; she is practically a family member. therefore I know her life story, starting from being an orphan to becoming a dancer, and lastly becoming an author and actor. She does so much charity work for children around the world. It is another example of inspiration for me. Her charity work normally goes toward cancer patients and children who, unfortunately, are orphans. This is something that really pulls on my stings. Seeing people who have so much and then donate so much of it to charity really inspires me to get involved.

Being apart of this industry is not about the glitz and the glam. It is about learning that no matter what you have its nothing without sharing to those who really need it. Being involves in this industry has defiantly shape my dreams and my aspirations. My favorite part of being in this industry is the charity events. However I know that I do not have the resources to give out when ever I please, so I dream to help in another way. Some way or another I will be able to help those cancer patients, I will be able to help orphans, I will be able to provide assistance to who ever needs it.
kate_47 2 / 4  
Nov 28, 2010   #2
This being my surroundings, my world, has shown me what is important handand has defiantlydefinitelyshapeshaped my dreams and aspirations.

Being apart of this environment, I receive connections whether I intend to or not. In this situation it is a good thing that I have some connections.

(you repeat "connections" and I think you should either make this one sentence or tweak it so that you aren't simply repeating yourself)

uring the Christmas season my mom was invited to attend a Christmas party and she was allowed to being her own guests , so of course she allowed me to tag along.

(I think it helps the flow of the sentence and keeps it from becoming a run on)

My focus was the purpose of the Christmas party. This Christmas party was a Charity event hosted by St. Jude's Hospital for children.
(In my opinion just try to combine these, but its up to you!)

The whole idea of helping children sang out to me.called out to me. ?

I am super close to her; she is practically a family member. (maybe try more sophisticated vocabulary?)

This is something that really pulls on my stings.strings.

Being involvesinvolved in this industry has defiantlydefinitelyshapeshaped my dreams and my aspirations.

I think youre at a good starting place in your essay and that you're on the right track. Besides basic grammar and spelling errors I would try to work on combining your love for charity with what you would like to study at UC.

Good Luck! :)


Home / Undergraduate / The world of celebrities, makeup artist, hair stylists, and directors - my world
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳