hello, this is my essay for Cornell
i need help especially on grammar and awkward sentences (english is not my native language) and also transitions.
if you see any mistakes please feel free to point it out
any suggestions that could improve my essay will be greatly appreciated :)
thank you
-Hee
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Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study.
My passion for biology was unpredictable. When I was little, my mother signed me up for a science club which I dreaded through as a kid. I shuddered as I was forced to engage in the club. Clearly, it was not love at first sight. However, to my surprise, a gradual development of admiration for biology soon swept in.
My keen interest for biology developed when I started paying attention to the subtleties around me. A realization that simple things such as sound of heartbeat, breathing, and involuntary movements are more than meets the eye, turned my dislike into love. I came to realize that there is a whole new dimension to the subject of biology.
I love learning information that stimulates questions and engenders curiosities. I am curious and biology allows me to explore, therefore making everyday a new adventure. It feeds my hunger for knowledge and my thirst for challenge.
The most appealing aspect of biology is that everything I learn relates to the world around me. This causes me to appreciate a whole new beauty to things that people who operate with little knowledge of science do not appreciate. Thus, greater appreciation and understanding for complexity and delicateness of life and nature instills in me. It is truly beautiful to acknowledge things that many people tend to disregard. I take pleasure in getting to know how life works, how we came about, observing the nature and how it interacts; how things are created, broken down and reformed. Biology fills me up with awe and wonder.
Cornell's College of Arts and Science has a high quality academics and prestigious research program. If I am able to attend Cornell University, I will have a chance to be educated in a place where a diverse intellectual vitality soars. I have heard a number of great compliments on Cornell University. It is saturated with resources, knowledge and opportunities. This will allow me to study biology in a well-established environment and prepare me for my farther studies.
A friend of mine who graduated from Cornell has informed me about her life at Cornell which provided me with a better understanding of campus life. From her story, I describe her experience as a rollercoaster ride. Heavy workload and competitiveness are big part of student life, yet students know when to socialize and develop lasting friendships. However, what attracted me the most about Cornell was her comment on personal growth. She stated that Cornell is a great place because you learn an incredible amount about yourself. You are pushed to the limits not only academically but also as a person. Through pursuing my studies at Cornell University, I hope to be sculpted into a deft individual with ability to implement my knowledge to real world applications. With my dedication and Cornell's education, I aspire to become a person who can contribute to the society. Thus, I choose to design my future in "far above Cayuga's waters."
My passion for biology was something that I was surprised to discovered about myself.
Thus, greater appreciation and understanding for the complexity and delicateness of life and nature instills in me.
From her story, I describe her experience as a rollercoaster ride. Heavy workloads and competitiveness are big parts of student life, yet students know when to socialize and develop lasting friendships.
Great job! You write very well in English. I would not have suspected that you are an ESL student. If you could mention in this essay something about your process of learning English, the reader will be doubly impressed, because you write better than many native speakers of English. But.. just mention somewhere - do not write a whole paragraph about it.
Hello Kevin!
I've been in U.S for few years now, so i'm not in ESL but I am still not so confident with my writing. I always tend to make mistakes in grammar :[
Anyways,
I really appreciate your help:)
Thanks for your suggestions!
ps- do you think my transitions and sentences are okay??
