Prompt: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?"
Throughout my life my parents have emphasized the impact that family has on one's life and how our forebears, whether near or far, shape us in ways we could never guess. The punch line of this lecture is always the same: India, where each generation of my family, before me, was born. Up until my sophomore year I had never met my family in India. They called occasionally but the language barrier made each attempt at connection a bunch of gibberish to me.
This all changed during the summer prior to my junior year, when my parents forced me to go on their annual trip to India with them so I could finally meet the family. One of the main points of this trip was to have me work with my grandfather, the mayor of Calcutta. I was to work in sales the entire summer to contribute to my grandfather's philanthropic project of sending underprivileged Muslims to Hajj, the pilgrimage to the city of Makkah required of all Muslims. I reluctantly agreed to help out, mostly because I was stuck with my grandfather and there was nothing else to do. However during my trips to the store, I began to see, really see, the overwhelming poverty around me. There were more beggars than buildings. Masses of people were in terrible condition, malnourished, with hardly a shred of clothing. Yet in the midst of such terrible circumstances, I witnessed again and again a faith in God beyond comprehension. The strength of their faith was the greatest motivating factor I could have asked for. So many of these people will never experience Hajj, one of the most joyous parts of being Muslim, just because they don't have the money; and there are much less deserving people who go just to prove their religiosity to the world.
I started working extra hours at the store, and even got another job at my uncle's motorcycle shop. My job was just to help out with American tourists because I spoke English a lot better than most of the other workers. Although I started the summer counting the minutes until I could come home, I never worked so hard in my life. I thought I worked so hard that I had enough money to send the entire country of India to Hajj. In the end, though, my earnings added up to around 30,000 rupees which turns into roughly 700 U.S. dollars! I was pretty disappointed with myself because in 3 months I made enough only to send one person to Hajj. My Grandfather could send 10 times as many people to Hajj with a snap of his finger! But he said he was proud of me and I knew he meant it. In the end I was proud of what I did too, even though it was not much in monetary terms. I learned a lot over my three months but the main lesson I grasped was that feeling sorry for someone in an unfortunate circumstance does not do anything; you have to actually spend time and energy to make a real difference in someone's life. That's why I plan on going back during the summer after I graduate to hopefully make an even bigger impact.
I like the idea that you used for this essay. However, I would suggest executing this idea in your essay in a different way. I think you should introduce how you went to India much earlier on in the paragraph since that seems to be the main point of this essay. Don't generalize in your essay, but try to recall a specific event or day that was particularly memorable to you. In fact, if possible, I would just cut right into a specific moment in time when you observed the poverty in India in your introduction. And remember that you should tie into how did this experience relate to the person you are today, because as of right now... the essay is lacking answers that address this question.
