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'work harder and become better' - Statement of purpose for UK university / IT


Neptunss 1 / -  
Feb 23, 2012   #1
I'm going to apply to universities in the UK to take a degree in computer science which requires statement of purpose. I drafted this and I'm looking for opinions on what I can improve and what I'm doing wrong.

When I was 12, I had no idea what I wanted to do in my future so I took as many after school classes as I could to try and find out what were the things I really liked whether it would be music, arts or even sports, but, somehow, the only thing that gave me pleasure were the IT classes.

I got my first home computer at the age of 13 and I learned as much about it as I could, broke it and fixed it over and over again, tried every option, every program almost everything there was to try. Then I realized that no matter whether I was working with text processing, playing games or doing elementary programming, sitting in front of the computer was what made me the happiest. As the years passed, I started realizing that maybe this was the career I should try to pursue, seeing how motivated and eager to learn I was. I started entering as many competitions on the IT field as I could and it didn't matter whether I would win or lose, all of that just made me want to work harder and become better.

Recently, in 11th and 12th classes, I picked Informatics as a main subject because I looked forward to the opportunity to know more. Nevertheless, I still take the time to learn on my own, be it by researching on new technology, improving my programming skills or helping my family and friends with their own computers.

I've asked myself many times "Why do I want to study in the UK so much?". Having had the chance of traveling and visiting many European countries, I always imagined my future being somewhere else other than in Lithuania and as I developed this increasing interest in computer science and information technology, I realized that my home country wasn't equipped with the best means for me to achieve my goals - the small amount of courses that fit my liking and the lack of quality in most of the universities here made me want to take my studies abroad. The UK came as a natural choice, I had the opportunity to visit it and I loved the time I spent there. On top of that, I am pretty good at English so the language wouldn't be a barrier in my learning. My pre-application research also showed me that there are really good IT courses, which could help me to achieve my dream job.
Jennyflower81 - / 690 96  
Feb 23, 2012   #2
Hi :) I have a couple of suggestions

When I was 12, I had no idea what I wanted to do in my future so I took as many after school classes as I could to try and find out what were the things I really liked whether it would be music, arts or even sports, but, somehow, the only thing that gave me pleasure were the IT classes.

This sentence is really long. Break it up into a few shorter sentences, it will sound better that way :)

I got my first home computer at the age of 13 and I learned as much about it as I could, broke it and fixed it over and over again, tried every option, every program almost everything there was to try. Then I realized that no matter whether I was working with text processing, playing games or doing elementary programming, sitting in front of the computer was what made me the happiest.

This sounds like rambling, clean it up a little, try to make it sound a bit more professional. You broke your computer and kept fixing it... I see people write this a lot for computer degree apps. So unfortunately, it sounds a little generic. Maybe try to mention a little story or detail that is specific to you, that shows your personality, and that will really stand out to the reader.


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