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Williams supplement- looking through a window at the Swiss Alps


starkeko 1 / 3  
Dec 11, 2013   #1
Hi! I'd appreciate some feedback on whether my essay answers the prompt well, or whether I'm putting to much description in and not enough reflection (I tend to do that). Also, I'm having trouble coming up with a title, so help with that would be nice. Thanks!

Imagine looking through a window at any environment that is particularly significant to you. Reflect on the scene, paying close attention to the relation between what you are seeing and why it is meaningful to you. Please limit your statement to 300 words.

Most people think mountains in the winter are just a bleak grey. But from the window of the cabin in the Swiss Alps where I stay with my family, I can see a rainbow on the mountains. Pink and red when the sun rises, blue when the snow is fresh and the sun glints off of it, white when it's cloudy, purple when the sun is setting, deep navy when the moon and stars peek out from behind the clouds.

To the left, I see the yellow gondolas, twenty feet above the snow and hanging from a thick wire, whisk eager skiers up the mountain to the chair lifts and the endless slopes. For a week every year, my dad and I make the heart stopping journey up the side of the mountain every day, ears popping, breath catching at the view.

To the right is the pond, long frozen over, begging me to lace up my skates and feel the crisp wind blow through my hair as I spin.

And somewhere out there, miles away, is the house that my dad grew up in, where I spent countless vacations playing in the huge garden and the shallow pool. Somewhere is the tram line that snakes its way slowly into Basel, with its huge museum and friends' houses and pools with 9 foot diving platforms.

I see myself, 13 years old, flying down the slopes with numb ears and a pink nose, laughing as I overtake my dad. I see myself, 14 years old, landing a jump for the first time on the pond, amazed at how easy it was. Underneath all the snow are memories. Millions and millions of memories. It's become a part of who I am, where I'm from.

words: 295
Marsbar 1 / 2  
Dec 13, 2013   #2
Hi, I don't think your essay answers the prompt exactly, you've got the description down! I can literally see myself on the mountain with you even though I've never been. :) . You didn't write what that picturesque mountain means to you at all, just what you do there... try writing more about how going to the mountain each year impacted you or something. I hope this helps :)
trulls77 1 / 2  
Dec 18, 2013   #3
Underneath all the snow are memories. Millions and millions of memories. It's become a part of who I am, where I'm from.

Maybe try to focus on one of these memories and explain why it's a part of you. Other than that, you did just what the prompt asked, and it's very well written


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