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Williams Supplement Essay, 20 words over 300 word limit, need help in shortening


guylord1234 1 / -  
Nov 5, 2012   #1
Hello, thanks for taking the time to look at my essay.
Here's the prompt:
Imagine looking through a window at any environment that is particularly significant to you. Reflect on the scene, paying close attention to the relation between what you are seeing and why it is meaningful to you. Please limit your statement to 300 words.

Everyday afterschool, we would run up the big hill towering over my home. It took hours to reach the top, and when we arrived, we were so exhausted we just lay there, squinting at the sunset. The sun brought tears to our eyes; it shined brightly through the burning red clouds, wrapping our bodies with warmth as light reflected off our glistening skin. The romantic and inspirational ball of fire healed our fatigue and calmed us down. We have been running together for years, and my heart goes out to their selfless sacrifice. We watched the sun intensify its colors as it slowly dissolved into the shadows, waving goodbye. We stood on the edge of the cliff, arms around each other as the camera shutter snapped, concluding the end of my summer vacation. Early the next day, I stepped off of the 747 into America, trembling with excitement, ready for my high school experience.

October 15th, 2012: the last day of practice. As one of the only three seniors in varsity cross country, we ran side by side ceremoniously through the mountain forests. The autumn leaves rained down lazily, with ember and rosy colored leaves crunching underneath our shoes. Standing together on the hill, I closed my fingers around the sun. Feeling nostalgic, I recalled the sunset I saw years ago. When I first started high school in America, I faced social barriers. But my life took a turn when I joined cross country, where my teammates and I endure countless hardships together. Although I left Taiwan for a new experience, I found friends who care for me. As I admired the sun and savored its warmth, capturing the symphony of colors I witnessed years ago, I know I will never forget the warmth and support my Taiwanese friends had given me. The time we spent together- our memories, our friendship- will forever be remembered.

I am 25 words over the word limit, and I have tried really hard in shortening the essay, but I need help. Again, thank you for taking the time to look at it.
lucy123 5 / 9 2  
Nov 6, 2012   #2
Some decsciption of the scenery can be cut, though they are so beautiful...


Home / Undergraduate / Williams Supplement Essay, 20 words over 300 word limit, need help in shortening
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