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Whats up roommate? kind of essay


syookhong 7 / 21  
Jan 9, 2010   #1
Please help check grammatical errors. Any comments and suggestion is more than welcomed!!
Thanks in advance :D

Write a letter to your first-year roommate at Babson. Tell him or her what it will be like to live with you, why you chose Babson, and what you are looking forward to the most in college.

Hello, future roommate


These past four was hard work was it not? From maintaining grades, tests and quizzes, and not to mention the infamous SAT, it was tough. But we have managed to pull it through. Isn't it amazing how swift four years in high school have flashed by? Before we knew it, we are in search of the right college. Another big leap closer to adulthood, and the start of a journey that will forever leave memorable imprints in our lives. Like you, I chose to spend my exhilarating journey at Babson College.

Before I introduced myself, I would like to congratulate both of us upon our decision of attending Babson College. Both of us deserve an applause for all the hard works we have been through. I assume that both of us are eager to be studying in a prestigious college like Babson, and at the same time excited about the challenges that lie ahead.

I am sure that you too find that Babson is the right match for you. However, Babson is not just a match for me, but Babson defines the perfect college for me. I can tell you that my decision to attend Babson is one of the best decisions I have ever made. Decision making is part of the human nature. Every day we make countless decisions throughout the day. Making the right decision on a critical issue can significantly alter a person's life. My decision to attend Babson is that decision, a step further towards illustrious knowledge, challenging academics, and the success I seek. I am confident that Babson is the place where I belong. Researching through colleges after colleges, Babson had the radiance unlike any other colleges. It boasts a world class education, diversity among students, and its primary focus on business. To me, discovering Babson is like gold that I panned from the river. Finding Babson took a considerable amount of time and work, but the end result is worth the sweat lost in the process.

To some, living in the dorm may be a frightening experience to conquer. Family, friends, and teachers agreeably say that I am respectful, responsible, outgoing, friendly, and unique. I believe that these traits are perfect for us as roommates and for the greater community, the Babson community. As roommates, communication is one of the crucial factors in leading a healthy friendship. Having been in a boarding school for two years, I am confident to say that you will feel comfortable living with me. I am neither a neat freak nor a messy person, and I respect your space the way I respect mine. I can guarantee you that I never cause any disturbances as a roommate, and if you think that there is a problem, I am more than happy to discuss it with you. I am a great listener, and I will always be there for you when you need someone who you could talk to. After all, your roommate is the person who you will be spending the most of the time with. Which is why I believe that good relations should be emphasize and maintained throughout the rest of our year at Babson. As I type this letter, words can't describe how I eagerly anticipate the moment I nervously walk into the room and seeing you. I am confident that we will get along throughout our four years at Babson and that our friendship will last eternally.
keilinger 9 / 53  
Jan 9, 2010   #2
These past four was hard work was it not?

past four years
work,was

Both of us deserve an applause for all the hard works we have been through.

I really don't like this. Sounds a little conceited and (literally) self-congratulatory. I know what you mean, but rephrase it.

I am sure that you too find (...) sweat lost in the process.

Tie this to the prompt. While your roommate may want to know why you chose Babson, this paragraph seemed out of place. Your last paragraph is excellent, and I think you can get another paragraph out of it by going into more depth with the points you make there.
OP syookhong 7 / 21  
Jan 9, 2010   #3
hey anita
thanks for the suggestions
i will take them into account as i re-write
:D
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jan 16, 2010   #4
These past four were hard work were they not? From maintaining grades to cramming f or tests and quizzes, and not to mention the infamous SAT, it was tough. But we have managed to pull it through. Isn't it amazing how swift four years in high school have flashed by?

Keep practicing those verbs. Practice writing all in the present tense, and then practice writng all in the past tense. If you start writing n the past tense, keep writing in the past tense.

Before we knew it, we were in search of the right college.

Family, friends, and teachers unanimously say that I am respectful, responsible, outgoing, friendly, and unique.

:-)


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