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'The waves of the Pacific Ocean' - Williams window supplement

music920Threads: 6
Posts: 33
Author: Lacey Nelson
Dec 30, 2011, 06:58pm   #1
Here is my supplement for Williams - please give brutally honest feedback! I had a rough time coming up with a topic for this prompt and finally settled on this (I'm not really sure if I like it) but clearly I don't have much time before it's due. Please help me, and I will return the favor! Thanks! (:

Imagine looking through a window at any environment that is particularly significant to you. Reflect on the scene, paying close attention to the relation between what you are seeing and why it is meaningful to you. Please limit your statement to 300 words.

My eyes do not deceive me. Outside, the blur of nature morphs into vivid arrays of colors and shapes teeming with life as we roll to a stop, the airplane engine groaning with relief. I remain fixated upon the transparent pane of plastic that draws the boundary between the world and I. However, neurons fire across synapses in the depths of my mind, triggering unsettling emotions I don't fully comprehend. I had been told we were going to Seattle, but now that we had landed I was troubled that I failed to see what was supposedly so apparent to everyone else. Had I become too absorbed in the enchanting facets of nature to notice the obvious? So, my three-year-old self, confused and upset, confronted my parents and exclaimed indignantly, "But I can't see Attle!"
Fourteen years later, I still cherish that childlike innocence and sense of awe at the natural world. Whether I admire leaves browned by the autumn sun as they dance across the street, engaged in an elegant waltz with the wind or sneak sideways glances at the mesmerizing waves of the Pacific Ocean as I drive to work each day, I'm easily lost in the simplistic beauty of nature. My world is colored with vibrant life: the bright orange of the pumpkin fields that distinguish our town, the delicate, electric green tentacles of sunburst anemones in our local tide pools, the brilliant yellow sunflowers lining the highway that greet me on my way to school. Unfortunately, I can become consumed by my daily life, from distributing lunches to the homeless in San Francisco and coaching gymnastics to playing piano and memorizing the rules of derivation and integration. However, if I slow down and look closely, I find joy and tranquility in the minor, yet beautiful details and idiosyncrasies of nature around me, wherever I may be.

mlaytonThreads: -
Posts: 9
Author: Brian G Zhang
Dec 30, 2011, 07:47pm   #2
"Unfortunately, I can become consumed by my daily life, from distributing lunches to the homeless in San Francisco and coaching gymnastics to playing piano and memorizing the rules of derivation and integration."

It seems unlikely that "distributing lunches to the homeless in SF" is part of your daily life so you might want to tweak the wording there a bit.

Other than that, great essay.

sarahbeeThreads: 1
Posts: 56
Author: Sarah Brathwaite
Dec 30, 2011, 07:54pm   #3
this is a really great essay. i think it works with the prompt really well, and its original (your use of the airplane window and car window)

i think you could leave the "homeless people in SF" thing because it adds some airiness to the essay.

hope i helped!

could you please check out my princeton essay please?

ashatanThreads: 4
Posts: 30
Author: Natalia Chumakova
Dec 30, 2011, 08:13pm   #4
I like it- the imagery paints a vivid picture, and it flows well. You should probably remove the 'However' in the fourth sentence, and 'facets' sound a bit strange in the 6th sentence- put a word that flows better. Other than that, its great, and reveals details about you. It's unique and i think you definitely have a good chance- good luck!

music920Threads: 6
Posts: 33
Author: Lacey Nelson
Dec 30, 2011, 08:17pm   #5
Thank you all for your suggestions! I agree now that I read it again - I'll definitely take out that SF part. Thanks!(:

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