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'when I was child, story' - Write about a person that you admire


takieu16 1 / -  
Sep 18, 2012   #1
Everyone always has a person to admire. Maybe it is an actor, singer or a famous person. However, with me, my mother who is the most important person in my life. She was usually a good role model for me as I was growing up. First of all, I think that my mother is a smart woman. Because of her ingenuity, she can arrange all work suitably. For instance, every morning, she often took my younger sister to school. And then, she went on her work such as going to the market, cooking, taking care of my grandmother. Every night, she also helped me to do homework and prepared the lessons for the next day. By this way, I could catch knowledge quickly from my teacher and my academic results were always ranked first or second in the class. Secondly, my mother is also a thoughtful person. To prove for this character, I wanted to tell a story, when I was child. I was often very stubborn and wanted to become the center of the group when playing with children who lived near my house. Therefore, everybody began to shun me. At that time, I did not really recognize my attitude that was wrong, so I felt annoyed. Unfortunately, My mother seemed to understand everything. She came to my side, like two friends talking to each other, I shared my thoughts. As the result, I was given convincing explanations and useful advice from my mother. And then, the friendship between my childhood friends and me was linked by the indirect help of my mother. Until now, my mother's advice is always useful when I make a difficult problem or have confidences. So I feel that I am a lucky person when I am the child of my mother. The mother will always be proud in me forever. The woman whom I will usually love and respect all my life.
April April 13 / 148 22  
Sep 18, 2012   #2
Maybe it is --- THAT COULD BE (don't use IT to address a person)
my mother who is the most important ---my MOTHER IS the most important
First of all, I think that my mother is a smart woman. --- leave out 'I THINK THAT' to make the sentence stronger.
helped me to do homework and prepared the lessons --- helped me to do MY homework and PREPARE
the lessons
To prove for this character, I wanted to tell a story, --- leave out this part because readers will know when you're telling a story when you tell it.

Unfortunately, My mother seemed to --- FORTUNATELY, My mother seemed to
when I make a difficult problem --- when I HAVE a difficult problem
have confidences. --- what do you mean?
The mother will always be proud in me --- MY mother will always be proud OF me
The woman whom I will usually love and respect all my life. --- MY MOTHER IS The woman whom I will usually love and respect all my life.

Make sure that use the correct grammar structures and check the meanings of the words that you use properly.


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