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'I wanted to be a UCF Knight' - Why did you choose to apply to UCF?



lexoticstylez02Threads: 2
Posts: 3
Author: Antonio Gonzalez
   
Sep 10, 2008, 08:30pm   #1
This is my first attempt at my essay, it needs some grammar and vocabulary help.

Ever since I moved to Florida at the age of three, I have loved it here. I have always wanted to attend college, but was unsure of my choice. I have lived in Orlando the entire time I have lived in Florida and drive by UCF occasionally. Each time I drive by I see the light poles with the UCF flags on them and many students roaming with their gold and black shirts, the gigantic Bright House Stadium, and the beautiful campus. After looking into all the great opportunities available at UCF I realized I wanted to be a UCF Knight. I have spoken to individuals that attended UCF and they tell me how amazing it is, the curriculum, the people, the sporting events, they say UCF has it all and they would not have chosen any other college.

Additionally, UCF has one of the most exciting sports programs in Florida. I am a huge sports fan and would definitely attend all of the home football and basketball games to help support the Knights. UCF has always been a leader with one of the best business programs around, and also offers many internship opportunities. One day I hope to own a successful business and I believe with UCF's academic curriculum I will be able to achieve that goal.



EF_Team5Threads: -
Posts: 2,649
Author: Gloria, EssayForum.com
   
Sep 11, 2008, 06:23pm   #2
Good evening.

Here are my suggestions:

"Ever since I moved to Florida at the age of three, I have loved it here. I always wanted to attend college, but was unsure of my choice. I have lived in Orlando the entire time I have lived in Florida and drive by UCF occasionally. Each time I drive by I see the light poles with the UCF flags on them and many students roaming with their gold and black shirts, the gigantic Bright House Stadium, and the beautiful campus. After looking into all the great opportunities available at UCF I realized I wanted to be a UCF Knight. I have spoken to individuals that attended UCF and they tell me how amazing it is; the curriculum, the people, the sporting events.They say UCF has it all and they would not have chosen any other college.

Additionally, UCF has one of the most exciting sports programs in Florida. I am a huge sports fan and would definitely attend all of the home football and basketball games to help support the Knights. UCF has always been a leader with one of the best business programs around, and also offers many internship opportunities. One day I hope to own a successful business and I believe with UCF's academic curriculum I will be able to achieve that goal."

Nice work. You've covered many reasons in this essay, making it well-founded. Good job.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com




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