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'I want to be a role model' - Rutgers College Admin Essay


aarredondo9495 1 / -  
Nov 6, 2012   #1
Essay Instructions
Rutgers University is a vibrant community of people with a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment? Consider variables such as your talents, travels, leadership activities, volunteer services, and cultural experiences.

A vibrant community of people with a variety of backgrounds and experiences are incredible factors that freshman look for in college. The atmosphere and overall vibe that surrounds an incoming freshman either determines how they benefit from or are fail to comply with the standards they set for themselves at a particular school. Work ethic and time management are two key factors that every college student needs. These two key factors are characteristics that I strive to be excellence in. I am a hard work and very determined to learn more about everything the world has to offer me in becoming a better person. My mother is a nursing assistant, I volunteer at her job on the weekends and I see the way she helps people and makes them feel better. There is always a smile on their face when she walks in the room. I want to be a part of something like that I want children to look up to me; I want to be a role model, a leader and one day the best pediatrician in the world. These goals require hard work and for me to keep my head on in the appropriate environment.

Can you take a look at this for me and tell me what you think and what more I need to add to it.
Leah_Writer - / 46 4  
Nov 6, 2012   #2
Hello! I think you have some good ideas here, but don't restate the question in the words the prompt uses in your first sentence. I think you need to add a good amount of information as to how you can contribute to this environment. What's unique about you? What cultural factors or experiences can you bring that no other freshman will bring? That's what they want to get to know about you, and that's what you can use this essay to show them. The more specifics you can offer about the kind of role model you want to be, in college and beyond, the better off you'll be. I hope that helps!


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