Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 2


'volunteering at local schools' - UC prompt#2 - Helping people


member123 3 / 2  
Nov 22, 2008   #1
Can someone read it? I need to know if it sounds good..

Helping people has been one of my strongest qualities. Throughout the four years of high school, I have contributed to helping people. It all started with just community service and little by little it became part of my personality. Helping people is very important to me because I feel as if I am making a difference in someone's life. I see helping people as a way to make new friends and a way to show people the type of person that you truly are.

Throughout high school, I have contributed to helping people and have volunteered to help out at local schools. During the last two summers, I spent time going to summer school to help students learn English as a second language. I was informed about a program at summer school that regarded Hispanic students learning English as a second language. I wanted to help students learn English because I myself had a hard time learning it. This contribution that I did is very important to me because it truly shows the type of person that I am. Many students that I helped did not speak a lot of English and mostly spoke Spanish. Most of the students had just recently arrived from another country and were new to the United States. Although it was kind of difficult to teach them English, I had a lot fun a and made a lot of new friends. Throughout my Sophomore and Junior year, I also helped Spanish-speaking parents in school meetings by translating what teachers say to Spanish. Many parents commented on how helpful I was to them. I learned so much from helping at summer school and it made me realize that helping people is something that I like to do.

The contributions that I have done throughout high school make me proud because I know that I have done something that not many people do. It also makes me proud because some of the students that I helped told me that they enjoyed being with me. I also received many comments from teachers about being helpful. It made me feel pleased about myself because not many students contribute their time to helping others. I'm also proud because this showed many people the type of person that I truly am. My experiences with helping people has greatly increased my self-confidence and has made

me a much better person.

This relates to the person that I am because I like to help people. I enjoy helping people especially when I know that not a lot people do what I do. Most of my community service hours that I have done throughout high school are related to helping others. During Freshman and Sophomore year, I volunteered at a local school to help 1st grade students with their class work and homework. It was really fun because I spent a lot of time with kids. I have learned so much from my experiences and plan to do the same things in the future .

One of my best personal qualities that I have developed throughout high school is helping others and having the capability to work well with people. I personally think that helping others is a great way of meeting new people and making new friends. Not only do you make new friends, but you also show other people the type of person that you are.
EF_Team5 - / 1,586  
Nov 23, 2008   #2
Good evening :)

I think you've got really good content here; you describe what experience/event you are proud of and why, and do so with a good amount of detail. You also explain how it relates to who you are now, and close with a good conclusion that ties to the beginning. The only thing that strikes me is the format. It seems that it is almost too rigid; it comes across more like a checklist than a flowing essay. While this does add to its organization, the rest of the piece is so organized that this structure adds to much, making the piece rigid. Think of ways to soften your transitions between paragraphs. For instance, instead of saying "This relates to the person that I am because..." say something like, "I like to help people, and this relates to the person that I am; I enjoy helping them especially..."

I hope this helps!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com


Home / Undergraduate / 'volunteering at local schools' - UC prompt#2 - Helping people
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳