*the main thing is that the essay has to follow the topic sentence and have unity.*please help me its due tomorrow!
Volunteering Experience
Although being outside in the cold was challenge, volunteering for the Dearborn city council elections wasn't. Being part of this yearly event; of, picking city officials was a great experience. I hope to volunteer some more in the near future. Some things in which I enjoyed were getting to meet new people, help people with language barriers, and meet public officials.
At the school I assisted with Suzanne Sarieni campaign. My Job was to pass out literature to help pursue voters. For instances, I passed out a pamphlet to an elderly lady who didn't know who to vote for. It was a great satisfaction to help the elderly lady figure out who were the candidates. There were also people who already knew who they were voting for. This was also a good thing. Since they have been paying attention and know who is good for the city council.
I wasn't the only volunteer there. There were also teenagers volunteering outside with me. While I was helping out I met a girl named Miriam. She was there helping pass out literature for another candidate. She was very kind and full of life that helped me figure out what to say and do.
I noticed that there were many Arab American trying to vote who spoke little or no English. Some of the older Bilingual volunteers helped assist Arab American. Thinking about those adult helping voters made me think of our society. How it is slowly changing to accommodate different people's barriers. I love how our small city can make a big difference, by doing something as small as voting help. I hope over time that we won't have to think twice about helping someone, that's not an American Citizen.
Dedicating time to the election's help me realize that I am interested in helping people. Volunteering gave me more direction for my life. By helping Suzanne Sarieni I observed her speaking and interacting with people. Seeing her listen to people's problem and taking them into considerations in turn, this made people trust her more.
From this experience I learned that I really want to make a difference in the world and contribute to my community. Maybe next year I might also help out and get some of my friends to participate. I also liked meeting Miriam. As much as I benefited from this experience, the community, and others benefited far greater from my contribution. I hope by next year I might see plenty of people volunteering alongside me, and more people voting. The cold was a challenge but helping out wasn't
Why did you have to post it on the last day? (Though I sort of did too, so I shouldn't really be talking here)
The essay is kinda scattered and seems as if you rushed it, badly. Just from reading it through once, I've caught numerous grammatical errors.
For example, in the very first sentence, there is a dangling modifier. YOU were outside in the cold, not "helping out on November 3rd." That definitely won't give whoever is reading your essay a good impression. The subsequent sentence is even more destructive: "I really liked helping out which shocked some people,since I don't normally help out or volunteer" Umm... again, not a good impression on you or the essay.
Since this is basically your last day to correct and finish the essay, there isn't much revamping you can do. I felt that the last two paragraphs comprise the crux of your essay, so you should focus on those more. Other than that, you should re-read the essay and take out some of the weak sentences. Oh yea, you might want to change the title.
Obviously, you don't have a lot of time, so just try to make the essay as clean as possible. Good luck!
