1.The University of Washington seeks to create a community of students richly diverse in cultural backgrounds, experiences, and viewpoints. How would you contribute to this community?
I surpass the word limits and have to cut one para. Here are the 3 paras, please tell me which do not answer the question well, or is inferior and common compare to the other ones. Thank you for your help!
1.I grew up in China which had one of the most ancient histories in the world. I hope to celebrate my cultural festivals, like Chinese New Year and Mid-autumn Festival with other ethnic groups and exchange our values and cultural heritages.
2.China has the largest population in the world. I hope to invite schoolmates to my hometown to see how saturated our buses and supermarkets are and how friendly Chinese people are. Since our government practices one-child policy, I have no siblings. I want to share my loneliness and the pressure from my parents with other students, and tell them how lucky they are to have sisters or brothers.
3.Finally, I love to play accordion and has achieved a pass with distinction in Grade 10 Accordion. I found that playing and listening to different nation's music helpd me accept varying cultural tastes and promoted my appreciation for cultural differences. In UW, I'd love to play an accompaniment in festivals and parties. I hope to use music to muster up communication and bridge the divide between some cultures.
how long is this asking for... its a bit short...short answer?
I thougt your conlusion sentent was great... I hope to use music to muster up communication and bridge the divide between the various cultures of this world.
Change
"Singapore values racial harmony very much, so I grew a sense of mutual respect towards other races. I hope to bring this respect to UW and encourage students to approach new encounters with a broader mind."
As a result of racial harmony in Singapore , I developed a sense of mutual respect to other race whichi would like to bring to UW.
I feel that the 3 paragraphs all seem to be disconnected. Try to find a central idea/theme and link them together. For example, since you love to play accordion and listen to music from different nations, why don't you start by talking about your like for music and the instrument. And maybe continue by saying that you find that different music embodies the various aspect of you (the China part, the Singapore part, etc).
Yup, the main point here is find a common theme to link your diversified background together, instead of just stating and "jumping" around.
Hope these help :D All the best!
i agree with kids_jessy ... i guess you should relate it together..
the essay doesn't talk much about you as you're talking about diversity in singapore
and the music part doesn't signify much about you
good luck :)
