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UVA Supplement - Favorite Word "Soar"


sjmiller1993 4 / 13  
Dec 17, 2011   #1
just a first draft, trying to see if it gets my point across

A powerful eagle rides the frigid northern air with ease, gliding over thick, snow-covered evergreen forests and rough mountains. The word "soar," meaning "to fly high with little effort," paints a vivid picture in my mind, and its meaning provides me with a way to live my life.

To soar is to roll with the punches, to take what life throws at you and go with it. A soaring bird does not try to move against the current; it goes where the air takes it and uses it to their advantage. Even though life may switch its direction for me, I try to find the best of my position, and understand that I can discover ways to make a seemingly bad situation into a great one.

When one soars, they excel at what they do. Instead of staying with the pack, a bird soars above the rest of the competition. If any mountainous obstacles appear, they simply rise above them. In all of my endeavors, I give it my all and hope to succeed. If I do not, I can be satisfied that I tried my hardest and left no doubt that the outcome could have been different. This ideal has given me strength to work hard and triumph over many problems in my own life.
NikoliT 3 / 12  
Dec 17, 2011   #2
It's a good first draft, but there are some grammatical errors and some sentences that would be more flowing if reworded.

Such as,
can discover ways to maketurn a seemingly bad situation into a great one. Turn just sounds better than make in this context, in my opinion.

And,
This ideal has given me the strength to work hard and triumph over many problems in my own life.

I suppose it conveys the meaning, but it could use a little bit of reworking. :o

Good luck!
OP sjmiller1993 4 / 13  
Dec 17, 2011   #3
i definitely agree with turn sounding better thanks!


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