It seems there are a lot of UT transfer hopefuls here. Here's my statement of purpose essay. I don't think my conclusion is quite strong so I'm sure I'm going to change it nonetheless. Thanks in advance!
Description:
The statement of purpose will provide an opportunity to explain any extenuating circumstances that you feel could add value to your application. You may also want to explain unique aspects of your academic background or valued experiences you may have had that relate to your academic discipline. The statement of purpose is not meant to be a listing of accomplishments in high school or a record of your participation in school-related activities. Rather, this is your opportunity to address the admissions committee directly and to let us know more about you as an individual, in a manner that your transcripts and other application information cannot convey.
My Essay:
The most rewarding experience I have had in the past few years was during my time as a theatre technician putting on shows for my high school's theatre department. Working as a technician exposed me to a diverse field requiring a strong sense of creativity and a well developed set of problem solving skills. Throughout various shows I handled projects ranging from set construction to lighting design to managing a stage-full of microphones. Most, if not all of the skills needed to complete these projects were acquired along the way.
Of all the productions I was a part of, the most challenging, and the most fun, was our production of Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing. At the time, the school's stage, along with much of the rest of the school, was undergoing dramatic renovations. As a result, we had no proper stage to put on shows. Because the completion date kept getting pushed back, we decided to build our own stage outside. Somewhere along the way, I was placed on the sound crew in charge of microphones for the production. Due to the nature of our stage, which was little more than a deck among some trees, we technicians were faced with some interesting challenges. We had to begin every practice and show by lugging all of our equipment outside and setting up all of the lights, speakers, generators, power cords, and control boxes and then breaking everything down to bring back inside to be stored in the school administration offices at the end of the day.
My job, working with about sixteen wireless microphones, was made especially difficult due to working outside. I was trained on monitoring interference and changing the channels through the sophisticated control box and had to test every microphone to make sure they were free of static and on the correct channel before every use. Running the shows required a great deal of focus as it was ideal to keep as few microphones on at time in order to boost signal strength to those that needed it. Often times I would have to juggle six or seven microphones, trying to keep no more than two or three on at a time, while listening to the actors and following along in my notes. I had to maintain concentration throughout the show in order to be successful; a lapse in focus meant a line went unheard, and being outdoors with no walls made it difficult for the actors to project.
The biggest fear everyone had was of the weather. With so much electronic equipment outside and fairly exposed, rain was a major concern. Throughout the weeks of practice and the first shows, we were pretty lucky; however, our luck seemed to have dried up on the final performance. The weather channel warned of incoming precipitation that day, so tents and plastic sheets were made readily available. The sky had been grey all day long, but by show time that evening the sky had held, so the show went on. After the first half, our luck seemed to be running out, as a few drops of water teased the audience. Words were whispered into two-way radios of abort strategies if it got worse, but for the moment we continued. Finally, at the last scene the sky began its attack. Slowly at first, giving us time to finish to gracious applause which covered the patter of raindrops on the trees. After taking their last bows, the actors ran inside to get out of their delicate costumes and sprang to action in aid of the technicians who had already begun to bring every bit of equipment inside. In a mad rush of excited cooperation we had managed to secure everything inside safe and dry in a matter of minutes, leaving everyone with a profound sense of accomplishment.
I feel I have gained valuable skills from my experience as a theatre technician that I will be able to use all throughout my life, and hope that the University of Texas at Austin will provide me with ample opportunities to hone those skills. With Austin known as the "Silicon Hills," I feel that it will be the best place for me to continue my studies as a computer science major. I am certain that my studies in Austin will not only give me the best education possible, but also the real world skills needed in order to succeed wherever I am in the world.
Running the shows required a great deal of focus, as it was ideal to keep as few microphones on at a time in order to boost signal strength to those that needed it.
but also the real world skills needed in order to succeed wherever I am in the world .
The above sentence is actually fine, but I think it would sound better if you rework it and omit one of these.
Your essay is very well set up, interesting and well written. You have a cool writing style with great descriptions. Good luck in school!
:)
This essay is very well-written. You have a great style, and tell an interesting story. The conclusion does seem a bit jarring, though, mainly because, having talked about your tech work in theater, you conclude by saying that you think the university will be a great place to pursue a computer science major. This seems a bit incongruous, to say the least. Perhaps your conclusion would be stronger if you more clearly explained the connection between the skills you developed working on the play and the skills you hope to develop at UT.
