Please help to critique and edit this essay. I wrote this essay for another university, but I added one more paragraph in this essay for this question. I would like to seek more help with regard to the content of the essay, as I'm really not very confident whether my essay actually fit the prompt.
--------------------------------The University values an educational environment that provides all members of the campus community with opportunities to grow and develop intellectually, personally, culturally and socially. In order to give us a more complete picture of you as an individual, please tell us about the particular life experiences, perspectives, talents, commitments and/or interests you will bring to our campus. In other words, how will your presence enrich our community?
As Singaporeans, we often see ourselves as essential ingredients in a "melting pot" of ideas, cultures and people. Different cultures and heritages have assimilated and evolved into this vibrant and distinct identity that embodies Singapore's blend of multi- cultural and multi- ethnic groups. This perception became apparent to me when I participated in an exchange program to China last year.
During the two- week exchange program, we were given the opportunity to interact and attend classes together with the Chinese students. We talked about almost everything under the sun, from their daily activities to the countless types of Chinese cuisines from the different regions of China. They introduced the different regional Chinese cuisines, which are collectively better known as the "Eight Great Traditions"
, to us while we enthralled them with the names of an entire range of local delights that are truly distinctive to Singapore; the delectable Bat Kut Teh (pork- rib soup served in a broth of Chinese herbs and spices)
, the fragrant Hainanese chicken rice, and the Peranakan dishes which combines Chinese, Malay, and other cultural influences into an unique flavor.
From our interesting conversations, I realized that although we all belong to the Chinese race, we are inherently different due to the diverse experiences we had for the past seventeen years. Indeed, we may look similar when viewed from afar, but upon close examination, it is obvious that each of us is unique; each is made up of separate sets of experiences and cultural backgrounds.
This exchange program has not only broadened my social horizons, but has also made me appreciate the importance and significance of cultural differences. I believe that by joining University of Wisconsin, I have so much to contribute and learn among the student body because of its great cultural diversity. Not only does UW provide me with the opportunity to achieve academic excellence but also to meet new people. I hope to share my multifaceted culture and experiences while at the same time be inspired by those of others. I believe with this understanding and appreciation, I can add to the diversity of the UW student body and prove to be a great asset to the university.
Thank you very much in advance! :)