you essay is VERY general. your not at all specific. go into detail and your essay will be fine.
That's it exactly. We need to see some specific examples of ways in which your diverse experiences have shaped who you are. For instance:
There, my worldview and beliefs were shaped by a more liberal society that is in some way less materialistic, religious than the American society.
Which is shown by the time you . . .
Or, by the way you . . .
The high schools I've attended in America being religious Christian schools had very conservative ideals and beliefs in contrast of the schools I attended in France with very liberal teachers and students.
And this taught you . . .
Or, you reacted to this by . . .
I,also, was fortunate enough to have a brother whose job brought him from living in London to Chicago and Shanghai. Therefore, in my younger years, I visited him and had the occasion to discover different lifestyles and cultures.
And you learned from this that . . .