Notoman: This essay just doesn't seem to say enough at this point. There isn't any contrast between what I assume to be your sheltered, suburban existence and the poverty of West Virginia. You say that you have a new perspective and appreciation, but the words feel empty without something to show how you changed.
That's about it, really. You say you learned to appreciate your material wealth more and that you learned to feel more empathy for the poor, but you don't really show that. It ends up sounding as if you are merely saying what you know the admission's officers want to hear. It's fine if that's what you're doing, but you have to be convincing in your efforts. Try a more narrative approach to the topic, recounting your experience as if you were writing a short story.
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