Hi :) I can make a few suggestions:
Your paper sounds good, you have written all of the right things. I feel that the essay does not quite show the reader much of your personality, because it is written in a very plain, simple, and straightforward manner (like you are playing it safe by writing this way). So, in order to not sound generic or boring, I would try to add in a few more details about yourself, your life plan, and tie in the ways that the university will help you with your life plan. Include a brief description of your short-term goals. The part where you mention your interest in a Business major is almost hidden, I would emphasize your goal of achieving a career in business. You could shorten the part about the diverse community, it is good to mention this, but is there another, more important, reason that you chose this school? Your paper is fine the way it is, I am only suggesting these changes with this in mind: the college admissions staff are looking for things that "stand out" and mostly they are looking for details about you, your story, your plan- long and short-term goals, and how the college will serve as a stepping stone toward your life plan. Good luck :)
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