Honestly, I'm not to sure about this essay... Any help, even if its to redo the entire thing, is greatly appreciated!
In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.
Quiet. That was how my parents described me when I was little. Compared to the typical newborn, my parents recalled saying I cried very little, but, like every baby, I had my moments. I have always believed that people are born with the characteristics they will always have and grow into, and to this day, I am still a very quiet person. When I started my sophomore year, I made a vow to myself that I would not let my friends make decisions for me, specifically in my classes. As my freshman year drew to a close, I realized how much I slacked off due to following my friends' actions. As a result, most of my sophomore classes were filled with people I did not know, and had to choose between not talking to anybody, or to come out of my shell. That year, I did talk to people, people I had never talked to before. That year helped me learn how to grow, even if it was not that much.
The real change came in my junior year when I joined the Future Business Leaders of America (FBLA). With joining, I signed up to compete in two events, Accounting and Word Processing. Surprisingly enough, I placed for both events at districts and was qualified to go to states. Although people I knew decided not to go to states, I went on the three day trip. There, I roomed with girls I hardly ever talked to before, went out for lunch and dinner with people I had only known because they were in my class, and will honestly remember the trip as on of my favorite high school moments. That trip officially brought me "out of my shell". It proved to me that there is no reason not to talk to people, to make friends with strangers, and to help anyone if necessary.
Overall, I think my experience in high school and, specifically, the Future Business Leaders of America will affect my college experience, and more or less my life. I know I can challenge myself as I progress through college. There will not be a moment I will allow myself to slack off and miss any opportunity that comes my way. This will not only help my college experience, but I believe it may help the University of Florida campus community. I know I will be able to help anyone with anything, even if it is not my forte. As my motive to challenge and apply myself came from others, I believe my spirit can transfer to others.
saying I cried very little Recalled that I cried very little*
"As my freshman year..." put this sentence before "When I started my sophomore year.."
Eliminate "more or less my life"
it may help the it will also help*
Other that, a solid essay.
Would you care to correct and critique mine as well?
