Exactly 300 words. Thought? Comments? Concerns? Thank you in advance!!
Strong Economic Programs
Throughout my academic career I have been driven to excel in my education no matter the challenges that were placed in front of me. Most noticeably was when I moved from Maryland to Arizona in the eighth grade. I have excelled in Mathematics during my time in Maryland that I was supposed to be placed in geometry. Unfortunately, the school in Arizona had no available geometry classes and placed me to the highest available mathematics, pre-algebra. Since I have been acquainted with the curriculum, I was able to go through the class with breeze. Whenever a peer of mine was struggling, they tend to ask me rather than the teacher as he didn't give out much help. I put out much effort in helping them by translating what the teacher lectured to language that they can understand. Discovering I had a skill in tutoring others, I set out to continue tutoring others throughout my high school career and even founded a chapter of a society dedicated to tutoring others. By tutoring others, I also gathered opinions on curriculums and used them to excel in my education.
The University of Maryland has one thing that no other school in the world has: the prestigious Clarks School of Engineering. After talking with a few students from College Park who have transferred from Howard Community, I took interest on the challenging academic program that the Clark School of Engineering offers to their students. Beside the strong academic program, I find that the close proximity to various government agencies in the Washington D.C. area would provide me numerous internship opportunities. With a strong ambition to learn and be challenged by my professors to succeed; I find that the University of Maryland would be an excellent institution for a driven student like me to attend."Most noticeably was when I moved from Maryland to Arizona in the eighth grade." - I would consider revising that sentence, it's a little awkward.
- and reword the sentence you have after that because I was a little confused when I read it.
"Whenever a peer of mine was struggling, they tend to ask me rather than the teacher as he didn't give out much help." - Again awkward wording.
- Check your tenses because you tend to shift them
- I like the changing to language they can understand part :)
- Your closing sentence of the third paragraph is oddly worded, maybe you could try something like "My experience in tutoring others has benefited me not only by .... but also exposing me to .. etc"
"would provide me with numerous
"With a strong ambition to learn and be challenged by my professors to succeed; I find that the University of Maryland would be an excellent institution for a driven student like me to attend." - A semicolon should NEVER serve as a comma. EVER change that to a comma
- All in all, your essay was kind of bland (no offence). But I mean it's not like you're going in as an English major right? I know how you feel cause I suck at writing too and I'm also applying to colleges as an engineering major. But really, you should get someone else to check over grammar and stuff too, because I just skimmed it. Here's what I do, if you read it to someone and they look like they're bored to death about halfway in your essay, that will be the admissions person too, except about x100 because you know, they have to read about a million essays and stuff..
No offense taken. Engineers are supposed to take criticisms right? I'm going to change the main topic of the essay to make it a little more emotional.
My endeavor for academic excellence has always been fueled by my father's journey to the United States. My father and his family saw the Vietnam War on their front door. My father had enjoyed the American presence as he was taught by the Americans. When the war ended, my father "lost" his education as the government denied his high school diploma and wanted him to join the army. He refused to believe that his work in school was futile so he left for the United States on a boat. Although there were numerous risks in the escape as he could have died, he believed that the American education he received shouldn't be in vain. Fortunately, he made it to the United States and was able to succeed in his education by attending college. My father had always stressed me that education should not go to waste as his persistent for a better life was the main reason I even exist as my father had met my mother in the United States. With the opportunity to go to college placed in front of me, I feel that it is a true privilege to even think that I can attend a university and that to obtain a degree would truly give my father a sense that his journey was for something other than him.
My interest for attending University of Maryland is because of its challenging academic program. I want to obtain my degree by working my butt off, not messing around. When people hear of the University of Maryland, they usually hear that it's a prestigious university. I even talked to a couple of Chinese businessmen that has heard of College Park. To attend a university that has such a global recognition would help me gain influence in my future career.
