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UNCW admission essay -- how to improve it?


Brianjonessv 1 / -  
Oct 25, 2009   #1
--Prompt
Reflecting on your personal and educational goals, please write about how you believe UNC Wilmington will allow you to grow as a student and as a person.

As a hardworking, and self conscious individual I feel that my academic potential is at unprecedented heights, and being accepted to the University of North Carolina at Wilmington will only increase that potential. Throughout my four years in high school, I have worked hard, and striven to be the best I can be in all my studies, no matter how insignificant they seemed. I have come to realize that the toughest times I have experienced in school have been for my academic and intellectual betterment. Throughout school I have learned that perseverance and diligence is the only way to better myself, whether academically or as a person.

As a student I have always striven for greater than what is expected of me. In my eighth grade English class I was not recommended to follow through with the honors program in high school. Despite the many doubts that my teacher possessed I continued through my high school career partaking in many honors courses; and have succeeded in them, albeit suffering through rough and demanding times. In life I have dedicated myself to being the best I can be. The atmosphere at the University of North Carolina at Wilmington, I believe will be the perfect environment for the growth of my academic success. With my high standards, in and out of school I feel that as a student I can excel, and be all that is expected of me, and more.

My goals outside of school are comprised of more than just becoming a better athlete. I set goals for myself, which enable me to grow as a person. As a child I enrolled in various forms of martial arts, ranging from Kenpo Karate to Taekwondo, I learned to appreciate the value of setting good goals for myself. My Taekwondo instructor, Patrick Tyson made a lasting impression on me by filling my head with positive morals such as integrity, and perseverance. I am proud that I had Martial Arts to help instill in me positive values that can stand the test of time. On a daily basis I utilize these morals to better myself.

Every bump in the road, every hindrance, small or large has made me a stronger person. I attribute my devotion to being the best I can be, to Martial Arts, and the morals instilled in me from Martial Arts. I want to be the best individual I know how, and furthering my education at the University of North Carolina at Wilmington is the next step in that process.
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Oct 26, 2009   #2
Rewrite this to focus on more specific details. You worked hard in school and enrolled in martial arts classes as a kid. Great. That makes you exactly like most other university applicants. Provide some personal, narrative anecdotes that show how hard working you are. Talk about your goals beyond being a good student. What do you want to study? Why? Try to stand out from the crowd in a positive way.


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