Here are my UMD essays. They are still a little rough, and I have used my previous essays to write these for anyone who has seen my other posts. Please tell me what you think and give me suggestions! These really need to be completed today. Thank you! :)
2. "Seek the fashion which truly fits and befits you. You will always be in fashion if you are true to yourself, and only if you are true to yourself. You might, of course, rightly wear that style which is emblazoned on the fashion magazines of the day, or you might not." - Maya Angelou.
There are no boundaries to personal style, whether it is expressed through the clothes you wear, the music you listen to, or the books you read. What does your style say about you?
I remember my first sighting of adult-sized footie pajamas as though it occured mere hours ago. They were elevated in all their glory above the other pajamas on a shiny silver rack at Target. I could practically hear my inner three-year-old squeal with rapture. I hastened to don them the second I arrived at home. Nothing had ever fit me better - in the metaphorical sense, that is. The smallest size available was still moderately roomy.
The more I examined them, the fonder I grew. The childish zoo animals gazed at me, their smiling visages each emanating a different aura that I could easily relate to, for my persona is ever-changing. One day I am like the lion, tackling every task with perseverance and pride. The next I am like the monkey, curious of every minuscule detail and filled with exuberance.
After several laundry cycles, the heavenly fleece has developed tiny spheres of lint so numerous that picking them off would be unfeasible. Like fleece, we have imperfections that make us unique. Without my dry sarcastic humor or my aggravating toe-cracking, I would not be Arielle.
I zipped the zipper up and down, hearing the sound of fall jackets and jumping into piles of multicolored leaves, the sound of slipping into each dress for each dance that is sure to be the night of my life: sounds of freedom. Suddenly, it got caught on a thread. How off-putting. Why must I always encounter obstacles? I ripped the hindering thread, and my zipper glided freely once more.
And to think, so many spectacular attributes sewn into a single masterpiece! So what if my footies are a tad large? There is always room for growth.
"Why footie pajamas?" I am often inquired.
"That's my style," I respond.
4. According to Henry David Thoreau, "One is not born into the world to do everything, but to do something." What is your something?
You can call me Super Babysitter. It has been five years and twenty-three families, yet I refuse to retire. With my exceptional analytical powers, I am able to evaluate each child in order to determine which way to best handle them. I never fail to leave a positive first impression so that kids plead for me the next time their parents announce they will be absent for the night.
The creativity, imagination, and life skills that I have developed from babysitting are the most life-changing rewards one can ask for. From exploding science experiments to interesting dinner creations to Mad Lib bedtime stories, I've done it all. Each child has their own pedestal in my heart and has taught me something valuable. Katelyn coached me in the area of patience. She would bawl hysterically unless I scratched her back until I could hear the consistent breathing that indicated she had fallen into a slumber. Daniel taught me responsibility by showing me that even though the big kids seem more mature, they can be more mischievous than the little ones. I recall walking down the stairs after putting two-year-old David to bed to find the entire kitchen floor covered in aluminum foil, and Daniel hiding beneath the kitchen table, a goofy grin plastered to his face. After that incident, I trained to become successful at multi-tasking.
At the end of the night, the look of relief on a parent's face when I give reassurance that nothing was destroyed and their hyperactive children are sound asleep is exceedingly gratifying. The crinkling of crisp 20 dollar bills as they enter my wallet is just an added bonus. "Super Babysitter to the rescue!" I think every time I start the engine to the Super Babysitter-Mobile. It's what I was born to do.
The first thing that stood out to me as I read your essays was the abundant imagery--you used them well!
Also, the uniqueness of your ideas are exciting to read about. It captures the reader instantly, and how you conclude your essays leave me more than satisfied because you never left off on an awkward note or made abrupt, vague statements.
Good use of vocabulary--easy to follow.
Overall, I think these essays are excellent!
I remember my first sighting of adult-sized footie pajamas as though it occured mere hours ago.----this is just rewording a common cliche. The essay is brilliant, so it deserves to have a great first sentence. You can do anything you want with this first sentence, so what is it going to be? You can transmit any message you want the reader to receive at the start of the essay.
But... overall this is really a winner. Don't change anything about the ending!
Ha ha, I just read the second one, and I'm afraid I can't help you improve it. It's perfect. I ... I don't know, I guess you can replace 'them' with an interesting noun here:
way to best handle them. ------
...way to best handle solve their problems.
I can't think of ways to help! It's too good!
