UIUC ESSAY #2 Interest/Experience

In an essay of 300 words or less, tell us something about yourself that isn't covered elsewhere in this application, some interest or experience of yours that you think the University of Illinois should know about as part of the admissions review.

Music has been a part of my life as far as I can remember. It has made me enjoy a roller-coaster of emotions. From feeling sentimental while listening to Michael Jackson's Earth Song to being inspired by Hans Zimmer's epic soundtracks to head banging to Metallica's For Whom The Bell Tolls, every song invokes an emotion in me. My first experience playing an instrument was in the third grade with the keyboard. Initially I only learned Indian classical music but after a few years of listening to western music, I wanted to play some other instrument. I chose guitar and loved it. But I really got into the groove when I started singing. I always used consider myself as a bathroom singer but never had the confidence to sing in front of an audience despite performing for a few years with keyboard and guitar. It was through my family's encouragement that I was able to do it. My self confidence was further boosted when I was appreciated by the vocal teacher at my music school. When I got an opportunity my band to perform 'Smoke On The Water' with my band for the school farewell, that was when I decided to take vocals much more seriously. Through Youtube I have been trying to improve my singing and test my limits. I believe that learning, playing and listening to various genres of music have helped in my intellectual growth and enabled me to believe in myself. It has given me the freedom of getting lost without losing my path.

The flow of the essay is not right, I know!!!
Someone please suggest a way to make it flow and not sound like a list of facts.
Thanks!!!!!!!!!

I think you should stick to one or two significant events in your music life which really stood out like how you stick to one theme in music composition and then develop it. I'm suggesting on starting out with how you felt when you were going to play in your in your school's farewell party. Then go on about how cathartic music has become for you, together with its other impacts. Maybe even add some personal musical terms which are still familiar to those who are not so fond of music, just to add a personal touch. I know you want to convince them that you're the real deal, but I guess you can only share with them the essence of of how you see music.

Rock on!
All the best on your application.
Please, could you also help me with my essays. They're very similar to your questions.