I had prewritten this essay and I was wondering if it could fit this prompt(Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations- especially the 'describe your world' aspect)? Otherwise I'll rewrite the beginning. Any critique on content would also be appreciated!
Somehow, my grandfather was the most energetic of us all as we hiked through the woods, happily snapping photos of whatever wildflowers he saw.
"I want to reach the waterfall by noon!" he declared, knowing full well we were still about a half an hour away at the pace we were walking, and it was already 11:45.
My grandfather was always active and determined. Even in his old age, he chose not to retire, but to relocate from Taiwan to Guam, challenging himself to a new language and culture. Although we were separated by a distance of roughly 8000 miles, he would constantly urge me to "use my time wisely." These four words followed me through every weekend, every break from school, and though I thought I understood the meaning of the statement, my teenage self subconsciously wanted to rebel whenever I heard it from my parents. In the upcoming months, however, I would come to truly understand and appreciate the meaning of those simple words.
The advent of my grandfather's sickness prevented him from doing the things that he loved. As doctors scrambled to find the source of the water leaking into his lungs, my grandfather lay on the hospital bed, debilitated by illness.
I always had an innate curiosity about science; discovering the particular mechanisms of how cells interacted and recognized each other and how inanimate proteins encoded our existence was simply fascinating. Modern medicine's inability to identify my grandfather's illness spurred a change in the conditions of my interest in pursuing science. What was once wonder now became a fervent desire to learn more about the factors that contribute to disease, in hopes that no other person would have to endure what my grandfather went through-- the lack of closure and lying in wait, hoping that something would come along that could save him. Maybe even I, someday, could help relieve someone of an unknown fate.
Seeing my grandfather struggle with his affliction forced a realization of the abruptness of time on my sixteen year-old self. I saw how my grandfather hated having to stay in bed, unable to do anything, when just two weeks before, we had been reunited in Taiwan. I saw how suddenly things could change.
"Use your time wisely."
The words of my grandfather and my parents resounded in my head. They were no longer sounds that nagged at my brain, but rather ones that gave me the determination to try or learn something new every day. There are only twenty four hours in one day. Sleep already takes up six hours of that precious time. My grandfather's death made me reevaluate how I wanted to spend those remaining eighteen hours. I would use every second of my time, fill every tick of the clock with new information. In the times to come, I want to follow in my grandfather's footsteps; to never be at rest nor stop learning, and to utilize every moment of time I have here.
Hello Keroro!
I think you did pretty well!! To make the essay better, you may add more things to make it look like that your family shaped you, but not only your grandfather. It's really great! I think it suits the prompt well.
P.S. Am I too late? It's for UC right? Well then, good luck on your application!
P.P.S. I've made some revisions on my essay according to your suggestion, do you mind to have a look at it again? I really appreciate your help!! :)
