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UC Prompt #2 E&N Custom Boards!


nickjqz 1 / 1  
Nov 25, 2009   #1
Thanks in advance for all of your critiques. :)

Tell us about E&N Custom Boards. What about it makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

"E&N Custom Boards made me a 100% custom deck that is all me! And I got it for a great price! Which is just a bonus. Thanks E&N."-Allen Sulzen

E&N Custom Boards is a small business started by my friend Evan and myself. We specialize in custom skateboards and customer satisfaction. One day we said to ourselves "We can make our own skateboards", so we invested seventy dollars in supplies and tools and made ourselves a couple of boards. When we were finished we rode them everywhere, when our other friends saw them they just had to have one. I love making boards so it is not difficult work or a burden so we charge just enough to cover our cost of supplies. When the word got out to the community we started making more boards and the demand for our boards increased.

E&N Custom Boards is my hobby, my job, and what I do for fun. I feel proud of what I have done for the company and what it has become over the years. Finishing an order for a customer is the best feeling anyone can have, to impart a piece of your self, your own creation, for someone to enjoy. To see the face of the customer light up as they receive what to them was just a dream, a thought, or a wish, is unexplainable.

Ever since I was young I was fascinated with money. I wanted to go out into the real world and start my own business and be an entrepreneur. It started when I was about three years old and I saw a newspaper salesman on the corner, it was the simple exchange of his good for money. As a little kid that was what I wanted to do. The first time I exercised my creative and entrepreneur-like mind was when I was six years old. I collected sticks and sharpened the ends and tried to sell them to the neighborhood kids for a penny each. This cycle continued until E&N Custom Boards, which was a first glimpse into the reality of the business world. Being a part of a business takes a lot of work. I have poured countless hours into the success of E&N Boards, I worked hard and did what it took to be successful. Public and customer interactions were tough to deal with but I now have the knowledge necessary to understand and communicate with others. In the time span that I have been in business I have gained wisdom of not only teamwork and communication, but time management, organization techniques, and financial responsibility skills.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 27, 2009   #2
And I got it for a great price, which is just a bonus!

When we were finished, we rode them everywhere, and our other friends saw them they just had to have one.

The first time I exercised my creative mind and entrepreneurial spirit was when I was six years old. ---> just an idea...

This lacks organization, but it is great! Near the end, when you start talking about when you were young, it seems like you are losing focus. I think you should change the beginning of the last para so that the topic sentence refers to the business -- which is the central topic of the essay. You can still talk about when you were young, but do it as a way of explaining the business that ultimately developed.
OP nickjqz 1 / 1  
Nov 28, 2009   #3
thank you for your help. :)


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