Self-identity and personal expression take many forms. For example, music, clothing, politics, extracurricular interests, and ethnicity can each be a defining attribute. Do you surf or tinker? Are you a vegetarian poet who loves Ayn Rand? Do you prefer YouTube or test tubes? Are you preppie or Goth? Use the richness of your life to give us insight: what voice will you add to the Class of 2014?
my love to rap and freestyle
[rough]
It's 2.am. My head bobs up and down rhythmically to a crudely produced beat that flows from my headset. The sound of scratching breaks the silence of the night as my bic pen scribbles furiously across a sheet of paper. Thirty minutes pass and I finally finish the rough draft of the lyrics to my newest track.
"If this paper be my canvas let my pen be my paint-brush, Conveyance is the key, but don't let my rhymes rush..."
I love to rap, freestyle, write, and produce. It is a way for me to voice my daily concerns, philosophies, and beliefs to the world. When I first arrived in upstate NewYork, there weren't any computer gaming rooms and subways. I needed to fill the void the absence of such conveniences left me. Hence, I began to record songs using my computer mic and windows movie maker about Korea: how I missed the subway, the city life, and the after-school institutes I had to go to. Over the course of a few years, this passion developed from rapping about Korea to addressing problems in conventional hip-hop, recording from a laptop mic to a home studio. Today, rapping(for the sake of brevity), is much more than a hobby to me. It represents perseverance, freedom, and happiness and in a sense, it also represents me. On a different note, being an emcee has been a smooth journey so far aside from having to explain to my friends the difference between 50 cent and me.
It's 5 am. The dim light from my laptop illuminates the darkness of my room. I export my track as an .mp3 file into "my music" folder. I turn the computer off and collapse on the desk, the track still looping indefinitely in my head.i think this is very good and will definitely hold the readers attention. Rapping about korea is something unique that they probably haven't read about already. maybe at the end just say something to answer the question, "what voice will you add to the Class of 2014?" more directly, just a thought. other than that, nice job!!
I like it! (Funny how I wrote about rap/hip hop for my tufts supp too :p)
Anyway, the introduction is great - it really grabs the readers attention. I like how the into/conclusion provide a nice "sandwich" on your essay, giving your essay a satisfyingly complete ending. You definitely integrated the whole self expression part too.
A few suggestions:
bic pen -> Bic, since it's a brand
I needed to fill the void the absence of such conveniences left me.Makes more sense if you cut the me
Over the course of a few years, this passion developed from rapping about Korea to addressing problems in conventional hip-hop, from recording from a laptop mic to recording in a full-fledged a home studio.
It represents perseverance, freedom, and happiness and; in a sense, it also represents me.
On a different note, being an emcee has been a smooth journey so far aside from having to explain to my friends the difference between 50 cent and me. -> I don't really understand what this sentence has to do with the rest of your essay? I think the flow would improve if you just cut it.
I also agree with epirote901..
Everything is great except you do need something to answer that question..
good luck!
I like how you didn't do it in essay format and how you used quotes. It really stands out. Try to make it unique and you, that always works.
Very nicely written. I agree that you need to answer the question a little directly, but I think you're on the right track.
I think that this sentence (On a different note, being an emcee has been a smooth journey so far aside from having to explain to my friends the difference between 50 cent and me.) should be taken out though. I don't really understand how it connects to the rest of the essay. However, if there is something to it, then expand on it and explain it to the reader.
I think you should talk about adapting to upstate New York...or else the adcom might think that you're still adjusting from your transition from Korea to the U.S.
Why don't you say smth like:
While gradually adapting to American culture, my music ...
I honestly do not think that you need to address the question directly. THIS is your voice that you will add to Tufts; to spell it out to them would degrade your writing and transform this portrait of self-expression into merely another college essay.
Its engaging, interesting, and unique.
