hbrad8002: Together they have constructed my integrity contract which I have been abiding by in my everyday word and action. Together, they have constructed the integrity plan I have adhered to in my everyday word and action. <- this might sound better..
hbrad8002: I explore that trust is the key to open the door of chances and opportunities and trust can only be built on the foundation of honesty and responsibility. "I explore" is a confusing phrase. Try to use "I believe" or a synonym of it.
hbrad8002: When I perform an honesty act "...honest act..." or "...act of honesty..."
hbrad8002: I make the impression on others that I am a reliable and trustworthy person. "I convey to others that I am..."
hbrad8002: These urge people to outsource their roles to me, which I consider opportunities for me to shine in all life aspects. This is a very confusing sentence.. particularly the words "urge" and "outsource" may have the wrong connotations for what you may be trying to say.
hbrad8002: Detailed reports of faulty equipment are still stored in my laptop. This sentence is passive and could be better off changed to active.
hbrad8002: if one shows respect to others, he would get respect from others "...he will get..." <- this is more direct and impacting.
This word often has the connotations that you're trying to excuse bad behavior through rationalization. Looking up the definition gives you a better idea of whether you want to use it or not.
hbrad8002: all the staffs in school "...staff..." in this form, it is already plural.
hbrad8002: sticking with them would help me purify my characteristics, thus make me more wholly as a person. "purify my characteristics and make me a more complete human being"
I like the way you end it, just be careful with the words you use sometimes. Hope I've been of help :] Please look into my "The Eight Grade Science Fair" essay if you have the time! Thank you!
|