I take pride in the insight I have gained from experiencing how other people live.

The University of Colorado at Boulder's Flagship 2030 strategic plan promotes exceptional teaching, research, scholarship, creative works, and service distinguishing us as a premier university. We strive to foster a diverse and inclusive community for all that engages each member in opportunities for academic excellence, leadership, and a deeper understanding of the world in which we live. Given the statement above, how do you think you could enrich our diverse and inclusive community and what are your hopes for your college experience?

Over the past few years, the majority of my growth as a person has come from traveling abroad and experiencing new cultures. I take pride in the insight I have gained from experiencing how other people live. When I was a kid, my family lived in Brazil for two years; this was when I began to appreciate other cultures. But, it was not until I traveled to Europe with a group of teens the summer before sophomore year, that I truly discovered my wanderlust.

My trip to Europe taught me to embrace every place I go and every person I meet, and to take a little piece of them with me. I discovered how relaxed the modern Grecian culture is, how affectionate Italians can be, and how much pride Parisians have in being French. The following Spring Break, I spent a week on a teen service trip in the Dominican Republic, where I truly blossomed into a socially aware human being.

We spent the week building a house for a family who lost their home to a mudslide, and we helped plant a sustainable garden in a Haitian refugee center. As I got to know some of the locals, who had much less than I do but are still completely content, I grew a greater appreciation for life. I suppose the politically correct term for them would be "less fortunate," but I do not think that's accurate. These native Dominicans, whom I had grown so fond of, may not have had as many material possessions as most Americans, but they were so satisfied with being alive; they were not stressed by the pressures of a commercialistic society. Meeting these people made me aware of the advantages of living a more simplistic life.

My most recent expedition was to Israel with a group a teens from my summer camp. Not only did it surge my enthusiasm for my Jewish heritage, I also gained a better understanding of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. Meeting Israeli teens that would soon be mandatorily joining the Israeli Defense Force put into perspective how fortunate I am to live such a cushiony life. It also made me thankful to be living in a country that is not under constant attack. I did not understand how convoluted the conflict has become until I saw how desperately Israelis and Palestinians wanted peace but neither side wanted to be first to put down their weapons. This experience taught me that it is important to be open-minded and try to understand others' point of view.

I believe my unique experiences abroad will offer fresher perspectives of the world to the classrooms and diverse community of the University of Colorado Boulder. I hope to share my insights with other students and encourage them to see the world. My goal is to further my knowledge of methods of conserving the environment by taking advantage of CU's notable Environmental program, in order to become an advocate for global sustainability.

PLEASE GIVE ME FEEDBACK ASAP! Thanks in advance!

You already said this in the first line and therefore this one sounds redundant


I wish if your focus had been drifted a little from detailing your experiences to telling them how you are going to contribute to their community. The understanding that you earned through your experiences would certainly be helpful for this contribution, but it is the contribution you are going to make is more important for them. :)

As I got to know some locals, who had much less than i did, and yet so content with their lives. I grew a greater appreciation for life because of them.


.... Strong sentence.

I liked your essay. Very neat and tidy. Nicely constructed as well. And most importantly it was enjoyable to read it. Well done. :)