I'm less concerned about mechanical errors (still point them out if you see them) but please let me know if I sound cliche, repetitive, rambly, generic, or I'm not addressing the question well enough. Thank you!
Who or what influenced you to apply to Syracuse University
Growing up in a college town has influenced me to seek out other strong academic schools rich in opportunity and diversity. However, after living in such a small town for the bulk of my life, I'm much more interested in schools with a city setting, which can offer even greater opportunities. After researching the school, I think that Syracuse University could be a good fit for me, as I believe that diversity, real-world experience, and a dynamic environment are key in my college selection process.
Who is the person you dream of becoming and how do you believe Syracuse University can help you achieve this?
I hope to open my mind and experience as much as I can during my college years. Syracuse University's city setting and study abroad programs appeal to me because I believe that they offer a multitude of impacting opportunities. I would not only receive an excellent education, but also gain a much richer understanding of the individuals who share this earth with me.
If you have had work experience, what skills and/or knowledge did you gain?
When I worked at the University of Illinois Law Library, all I had to do was move books and trash old ones. Most of the time, I was sitting in a room alone tearing up books that needed to be recycled. While others were relying on me to finish the job, I still had complete autonomy. Ultimately, I could have slacked off and no one probably would have noticed, but I chose to rip up books for hours because I knew that it needed to be done. I learned that, 1) I would like to avoid having a monotonous job later in my life, and 2) Responsibility means that I must stay dedicated to my goal even if others aren't watching.
Based on your interests, tell us what real-world experiences you might pursue during your education at Syracuse as part of the University's Mission, Scholarship in Action?
I aspire to take on a more active role in life, as I feel like I have sunken into routine in many ways, and I haven't been able to express myself as much as I've wanted. This includes becoming more involved in my education, because I can think of too many times when a class has been simply taking notes and copying answers from a textbook. Studying abroad sits high on my list of priorities, and I believe it will provide a refreshing change of pace as well as open my mind to new experiences.
This entire response, I feel, should be much more elaborated and should focus on what the question is asking you. Maybe you can show more of the type of person you want to become by including the type of things you're interested in (i.e sports, volunteering, writing, art, etc) and explain how specific programs at Syracuse can help you achieve those interests.
I learned that, 1) I would like to avoid having a monotonous job later in my life, and 2) Responsibility means that I must stay dedicated to my goal even if others aren't watching.
I would avoid listing just because it makes your response sound weak. I think it is better to state what it is you have to say and then just elaborate on it.
Overall you have some pretty good ideas, however they are a bit generic. I'm applying to Syracuse also (Go Orange! :D)
Good luck! :)
Growing up in a college town has influenced me to seek out other strong academic schools rich in opportunity and diversity.
college town? or just "town"? ... It sounds a bit confusing to me :(
However, after living in such a small town for the bulk of my life, I'm much more interested in schools with a city setting, which can offer even greater opportunities.
"bulk of my life"? sounds a bit awkward for me :( .... Also, this sounds a bit repetitive as you mention about the town in your previous sentence too. Better combine the first sentence and this one together.
Well ... here you need to describe the person whom you aspire to become. For example, tell that you want to be with particular skills, strenghths, outlook etc...etc... It is not delivered properly here.
