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my summer trip to Trinidad & Tobago - UF Essay Evaluation


king723 2 / 1  
Oct 16, 2008   #1
Describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community.

What are your thoughts please? Any suggestions? Do you think the content is well written? Thank you for your assistance.

When I look back at the 17 years I have been in this world, I think my most meaningful experience in my life came about 2 years ago on my summer trip to Trinidad & Tobago. Most of my family is from the Caribbean island of T&T and in 2006 I finally had the chance to experience what my family's culture was all about. This experience was meaningful because it helped me burst out of my shell, gave me a new approach to life, and gave me a sense of direction of what I wanted to do in the future. I strongly believe that these experiences I had when I took my trip to Trinidad & Tobago will greatly affect my college experience and the contributions I make to the UF campus community.

While on my trip to Trinidad & Tobago I had the opportunity to embrace a different culture. Whether I was watching a local goat race or enjoying the annual "Old Time Wedding Play" I got to encounter things that were new to me while at the same time learn about my family's tradition. This will help me at UF because like some many countries around the globe, the University of Florida has so much culture and tradition. Whether I am in the swamp doing the Gator chomp with the student body or singing "We are the Boys", I will enjoy and embrace the culture of the University of Florida as I do with my Trinidad & Tobago, and make it a way of life.

I was always a shy person, however; my summer trip to Trinidad & Tobago helped me come out of my shell. While on that summer vacation I made new friends that I will stay in contact with for the rest of my life. I met family that I hadn't seen since I was a baby, and the fact that they were so interested in with who I was as a person made me open up, and gave me confidence that I could be myself and outgoing. I anticipate a great college experience, and I can look back at this moment as to why. When I got back home I was more outgoing and social, and I had more confidence about myself. I know while I am enjoying what people say "will be the best years of your life" I will be making numerous friends and joining organizations such as

"Skateboarding Club".

Furthermore, my trip to the Caribbean helped me discover things about myself, and it gave me the platform to try new things no better how out of the norm it might seem. On my Trinidad & Tobago trip I had a lot of first times. I tried new food such as dumplings and curried crab, danced in a parade, watched different sports like Cricket. This will affect my college experience in that I won't be afraid to try new things. I have adopted the motto "you only live once" and as part of the UF campus community I will be active and involved in numerous events and other activities. Before that trip I was going to major in English, but now I want to challenge myself and major in Business Administration with hopes of owning my own clothing line that represents different styles of countries, and a record company that focuses on movies and music.

All in all, I think this trip has benefited me in ways I never imagined. For instance, I was afraid of flying not to long ago, but after being on a eight hour flight you come to realize that it is not that bad. I now have a desire to travel around the world to places such as Egypt and Australia and savor what the world is all about. I can honestly say that I will be bringing a unique and original style to the UF campus community that will allow me to contribute in every way possible.

Sheldon C. Louis - Author
34947, FLORIDA
EF_Team5 - / 1,586  
Oct 17, 2008   #2
Good morning.

Please note your other posting for mechanical and grammatical suggestions, as they still apply to this piece. Watch out for inappropriate capitalization; if the word is not a proper noun or the first word in a sentence, it shouldn't be capitalized.

In regards to content and organization, your response is an appropriate one to the prompt. It is well organized and the paragraphs flow together nicely. You give good examples to support your statements, and the conclusion fits well with the introduction. Overall a well structured essay. Good work.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com


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