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'In the summer' - How did you first learn about Wagner College?


sarahadams 11 / 22  
Oct 24, 2011   #1
How did you first learn about Wagner College?

Who would ever know that getting lost is a good thing? In the summer I went to Staten Island with my sister to find a dress for an up coming wedding that we were going to attend to. At the end of our day we found a gorgeous dress that fit me perfectly. On our way home we kind of got lost and couldn't find the way back, we searched like owls in the night for directions and asked people for help. As I was looking around I saw a beautiful ancient building that looked like a castle and had a field that looked like it extended for miles. I asked my sister if she was seeing what I was seeing, she told me that that building was Wagner College and that is where my adventure started. Within that week I asked my friend if she wanted to come with me to see Wagner College and that's when I true realized the true beauty of the campus, the amazing programs that Wagner offers and the kind people that helped us find our way within the campus. Clay Bedford once said "You can teach a student a lesson for a day; but if you can teach him to learn by creating curiosity, he will continue the learning process as long as he lives." This quote is an inspiring quote to me because it is encouraging me to go out and try to learn something new every day. If I had not been curious about that ancient building then I wouldn't have a chance to be educated about Wagner College.
tdupree 2 / 3  
Oct 24, 2011   #2
"Who would ever know that getting lost is a good thing?"
"Who would have ever known that getting lost is a good thing?" (I'd also consider finding another replacement word for the word "thing")

"...had a field that looked like it extended for miles"
"...had a field that looked as though it extended for miles"

"I asked my sister if she was seeing what I was seeing, she told me that that building was Wagner College and that is where my adventure started."

This is a run-on sentence.
You can either put a period or semi-colon instead of the comma.

"Within that week, I asked my friend if she wanted to come with me to see Wagner College.T hat's when I truly realized the true beauty of the campus, the amazing programs that Wagner offers and the kind people that helped us find our way within the campus."

Overall, good essay. You might want to go back and read it a few times aloud to make sure it sounds right!


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