So I've been going crazy over this prompt, and this is what I have so far... The lines by themselves are just lines that I thought of, but I don't really know where to work them in (or if I should work them in?) The prompt is this: Stanford students are widely known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or an experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging.
Please help critique! Does this fit the prompt? What can I change to make it better? THANKS!!!
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I'm a stubborn, bull-headed Taurus and I know it. That being said, I do possess the uncharacteristic ability to admit when I am wrong. Slightly wounded pride or a laugh on my behalf is a small price to pay for knowledge. This is, however, a fairly recent development. Not long ago, I could only admit my errors in a most begrudging manner. "What changed?" You might ask. The answer is not really a "what," but a "who." I'd been in a few classes with him freshman year, but when sophomore year rolled around he took college preparatory classes and I steered towards the honors track. Our paths crossed unexpectedly and - ah, how refreshingly cliche - have been intertwined ever since. For almost two years, my boyfriend - my best friend - has been challenging my opinions, goals, and mind. Ben makes me validate my opinions and prove that I deserve to hold them. He asks me "why" and forces me to dig for answers I had never bothered to come up with. When I say, "I know I want to major in engineering," he makes me prove it. Many times I've been brought to tears over the phone about some debate about an opinion of mine that I thought was set in stone. But as frustrated and enraged as his constant inquiries make me, I always emerge a stronger, more informed individual.
I don't only prove my points to him, I prove them to myself. I've never had to be so blatantly honest with myself about my own convictions.
Ben is one of the most intelligent people I know. He doesn't let me get away with skating by because of my "smart girl" image.
No one had really bothered to challenge my mind to the extent that he pushed it. I learned that I was too emotionally attached to my convictions, and learned to step away and have a more objective view towards problems.
Our relationship has been a constant test of my intellectual capability, and has engaged every ounce of my mind, body, and soul.
Hmmm. I believe your essay is good in itself, but should focus more on the prompt. I think that you should define the actual experience that you find intellectually engaging. Maybe you could expand your essay a little bit more by saying how your relationship will affect you in the future, or what you've derived it.
I think you should incorporate the lines you have below the actual essay. It is important that you emphasize what you have learned from your relationship and how you have learned to challenge yourself, instead of relying on him to ask you questions. The very last line "Our relationship..", is sort of corny. Although it may be true, the line "every ounce of my mind, body, and soul" may come up as a little bit cliche.
But this is only my opinion! Overall I think that your example fits the prompt. :)
I'd been in a few classes with him during freshman year , but when sophomore year rolled around he took college preparatory classes and I steered towards the honors track.
No one had really bothered to challenge my mind to the extent that he has.
I learned that I was too emotionally attached to my convictions, and learned to step back and take a more objective view towards problems.
Our relationship has been a constant test of my intellectual capabilities , and has engaged every ounce of my mind, body, and soul.
Good luck!
:)
