Help !! I'm stuck
I have been studying people my whole adult life.I have 27 plus years of research, with family, friends and employers, seeking to understand how we live our daily lives. Identifying what those around me feel, think and believe. Wondering why some rely only on their minds but do not feel with their hearts. And why others can feel so strongly that the mind is a second hand tool. Small scale research, speaking to people on the phone and face to face always asking WHY some people live and some are merely alive. How do we overcome the past, survive the present and prepare for a successful future? We are blocked by what and where we are; until we free our minds..
When I finally convinced myself to return to formal education, I had already decided on Carleton. I had visited the campus with my daughter in the spring of 2007. I was impressed by excitement of the students and the dedication of the staff. The campus had a strong sense on community and joy of learning. The last time I was in a college classroom was the summer of 1993. I was attending I Minnesota State Community and Technical College, Moorhead, Minnesota. I was pursuing a certificate in Small Business Management. It was my third dip into the educational pool. I had previously attended both St Cloud State University and North Dakota State University, without much care or glory. Having no true focus and lack of direction, my social life was the only thing to flourish. As the years passed, I found employment in the financial sector as a customer service representative. Then my daughter graduated from high school and departed for college on the East Coast. I was getting very anxious; it was a classic case of empty nest syndrome. I was bored!! Last spring, my daughter graduated from college, and then somehow I thought: Well, what the heck? I have lived the last four years of my life vicariously through my daughter; discussing events of the world, debating politics, and watching as her mind expanded and flourished ; when I finally realized I want that--I want to go back to college. So that's what I'm going to do, at age 45.
I am excited about this opportunity and challenge to rigorously study my love of society; past, present and future. I have optimistic ambitions of being immersed in Philosophy, Anthropology, History, Communication, Evolution resulting in deeper understanding of how they relate on a global scale, from the past to present day society. I hope to concentrate on leadership and problem solving to continue to be a successful, engaged member of society. I have spent 27 years of my life asking questions; I believe that Carleton will help me to answer these questions and more.
Below, I think you can't say whole ADULT life and then say 27 years, because it makes it sound like you are 27 now and yet referring to your whole life as your adult life. I see that you are over 27, now that I read the rest of the essay, but when reading these first lines it is unclear. I crossed some stuff out:
I have been studying people throughout m y whole adult life. I have more than twenty-seven years of research experience wi th family, friends and employers, from seeking to understand how we live our daily lives.
This next part is all sentence fragments, and they need to be put together and reworked in order to make them complete: Identifying what those around me ... (all the way to) ... asking WHY some people live and some are merely alive.
The last time I had been in a college classroom was the summer of 1993.
You really have a great way with words. It is important for you to study a very small book called Elements of Style by Strunk and White, and get rid of any misconceptions you may have about grammar while also making your style even better. That is the best advice I have for you. Good luck going back to school!! I admire that, for sure!
Thanks for the feedback -- I will rework and move forward (fingers crossed)!
Hello. Are you going to be working towards a particular degree? If so it would be good to describe exactly what you are interested in and why. Also what will you do with this education? You say that you have been studying people for years so maybe you are talking about sociology/ psychology/ social psychology?
Hey man, I admire the fact that you are taking the initiative to enrich your mind. Most of the subjects you mentioned, and psychology which you alluded to, have a tendency to engross the mind because the focus on the human being invigorates our curiosity, but beware that it takes a steadfast commitment, not a fleeting fancy, to fully appreciate the wonders of our being. Sometimes you may not like what you see, but you have to accept that it's better to know than not, even though at times you might wish that you were stupid and simpleminded. Examine what it is, be strong minded.
So congratulations, but look out now.
Wow, Mustafa makes such a poignant and meaningful contribution to this forum. People are getting a good, strong perspective that is wholly unlike what others of us would provide.
