Stanford -- what matters to you: my torchlight

Here is my last Stanford essay. i find the ending of this to be the weakest but im not sure how i can change it! Suggestions? thanks in advance guys!

What matters to you and why?

Crawling through the crevices and dark confines of the collapsed building in search of any casualties, with soot and debris obscuring my vision, I rely entirely on the seemingly mundane artifact strapped to my helmet; my small pelican torchlight.

It is difficult not to become attached to the instrument that saves your life. My pelican is graffitied, decorated and continuously maintained in the effort that I never lose it. Even off duty I still inconspicuously carry around that torchlight. My job regularly involves me and my men descending into areas of limited to no visibility, where a wrong move could result in serious injury or worse. Through my many experiences I have come to depend my pelican torchlight not just for the illumination it provides in even the most smoke logged atmospheres but also its capacity to help me locate those in peril.

Just this February, I located a drowning man using my pelican after which I was able to dive in and pull him to safety. The torchlight may not be the most used tool in my arsenal, or the most important piece of equipment that I have, but to me, it is an embodiment of my ability to save lives. Like in the aforementioned example, it provides a vital resource - light - which if without, I would be impotent at my true passion: lifesaving. As a firefighter I regularly encounter death and occasionally I have walked the fine line between it and life. However I believe these experiences gave me the courage to put my own life as collateral for others as well as give me the wisdom to appreciate the merit of even an unassuming torchlight.

I like this, but talk more directly. Make your essay speak. For example, "Just this February, I located a drowning man using my pelican after which I was able to dive in and pull him to safety." It sounds technical and bureaucratic like you're writing a report for the government. In Feb, my pelican illuminated a man drowning; I dove in and pulled him to safety." Also, I assume by the english and content that you're not American. I would bring this out in your essay. Like... As a firefighter in Mumbai...

The ending:

"Like in the aforementioned example, it provides a vita.." Ditch "like...example." Just start: it provides a vital...

"it provides a vital resource - light - which if without, I would be impotent at my true passion: lifesaving. " ----> it provides a vital resource -- light. Without light my true passion, lifesaving, would be thwarted." impotent in american english is almost always about sex, so saying impotent about my passion of lifesaving, could be interpreted to mean that you find saving lives sexually arousing.

As a firefighter I regularly encounter death and occasionally I have walked the fine line between it and life. However I believe these experiences gave me the courage to put my own life as collateral for others as well as give me the wisdom to appreciate the merit of even an unassuming torchlight. ---->I find these experiences give me the courage to use my own life as collateral and give me the wisdom to appreciate my little, graffitied, unassuming tourchlight.

I love your essay. It's very visual and I can feel you. Check out mine as well! Good luck with Stanford.