I've been racking my brain for the past two weeks. Three revisions later this is what I have. Please help me direct this. P.s. I hate my concluding sentence.
The prompt:
[Transfer Applicants] What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and
describe any experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employment,
participation in student organizations and activities - and what you have gained from your involvement.
Response:
My passion for film/ new media began in high school, where I was a special-needs student. I was taking a introductory theatre class where my technical abilities were noticed by staff. It wasn't long before I was asked to start applying for technical positions in the school's productions. Participating in theatre was the only thing that didn't make me feel like I was a "special" student. It didn't segregate me from my peers, and encouraged me to constantly push my own limitations. I pursued theatre arts throughout high school. It was difficult maintaining the grades needed to participate in an after-school program, but I was determined to stay in theatre because of how accomplished it made me feel.
On my sixteenth birthday my parents (after months of persuasion) bought me an iMac. It revolutionized the means of expressing myself. I became obsessed with editing video, modifying photographs, and creating websites. So, by the end of my senior year I felt that the field of theatre was too narrow to fulfill my creative needs like digital media was beginning to. I realized that digital media possessed a greater potential to change the world because if it's ease of access and affordability.
My world became a dark place after high school. I attended a local community college to 'find myself.' At the time, they didn't offer any classes in film/video or a course plan for new media. I quickly lost interest My grade point average dropped well bellow acceptable levels. I felt trapped without a way out. After a failed suicide attempt, I dropped my classes to take a extended spring break in San Diego. This was one of the single greatest trips of my life! I made friends out of strangers, started surfing, and toured some of the local campuses. I returned to Dallas invigorated and began formulating my escape plan to California. A year later I was living in Newport Beach and attending classes at Orange Coast College.
OCC provided the second chance that I needed. Granted, my first semester wasn't the greatest. I quickly started to find myself, and more importantly my work ethic. Within the year I was working as a video editor at a local travel agency, Grand Prix Tours. I was also doing freelance multimedia work for a local e-commerce company, hottubworks.com.
I was able to gain knowledge about how the media industry works at Grand Prix Tours where I was supervised by oscar-nominated cinematographer, David Dryer. Working with him made me realize how competitive Hollywood is, and that technical abilities are useless without the ability to promote yourself. At Hot Tub Works I was working with Chris Tobey who was a marketing consultant for Rhino Records. Chris was a marketing revolutionary who fully understood how the internet changed and continues to redefine our modern lives. Collaborating with Chris taught me to respect the confines of technology and how to use it in a constructive manner. I learned how to market my skills and abilities by providing work that wasn't just dependable but showed continuous improvement. Today, I am proud to of discovered my niche. I want to use a degree in film/new-media to make the world we live in a better place by obtaining a deeper grasp of the human condition and expressing it through a dynamic medium.
Firstly, this is an impressive resume. Your last paragraph really is impressive and conveys well all you have accomplished (your growth since high school.) It's clearly presented that digital media is your passion and equalizer (i.e. makes you no longer a "special needs" student.) You've worked hard to earn that and despite obstacles (like after high school when you were discouraged because there were no new media classes offered in the community college,) you found your way back to your passion.
The last paragraph really flows well and your voice comes through. My suggestions for the last sentence (besides the correction below):
Obtaining a degree in film/new-media will better enable me to express the human condition through a dynamic medium. In doing this, I hope to make the world we live in a better place. (THIS MAY BE A BIT BORING BUT THAT TO ME, IS WHAT YOU ARE SAYING...)
Today, I am proud to of (to HAVE) discovered my niche.
This is coming out very well!
I was taking an introductory theatre class where my technical abilities were noticed by staff.
It didn't segregate me from my peers, and encouraged me to constantly push my own perceived limitations. How do you feel about the word "perceived" here? (I think it adds drama.)
I realized that digital media possessed a greater potential to change the world because of it's ease of access and affordability.
I quickly lost interest.
...I dropped my classes to take an extended spring break in San Diego.
Today, I am proud to have discovered my niche.
A degree in film/new media will allow me to... How do you feel about beginning your last sentence this way?
This is a very great essay! I really think that the content is very well organized, and easy to read.
Only some minor errors in grammar, which were corrected above.
Good luck! [:
