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Source of Energy; SOP for BS in Petroleum Engineering at Texas A&M


sobegreentea972 1 / 15 2  
Dec 29, 2012   #1
I feel like I left out my goals? Maybe it's imply. I have issues with the verb tense (-d, -ed, -s etc). Also my usage of have, has, and had sometimes can be a problem. How long (words) should this be? It's at about 770 right now.

For the first couple of years in America I had to learn a completely new language and overcome the struggles faced in courses involving English. However, since I came to the United States 17 years ago at the age of 8, I had always done well in math and science courses as there were minimal language barrier. Some of my most enjoyable moments were solving challenging problems and conducting experiments. Back then, I did not know those subjects would be the focus of engineering. Yet, I knew I wanted to understand how the moais of Easter Island were maneuvered, how the Great Pyramid of Giza was constructed, and how heavy machineries were engineered to take flight. To this day, my curiosity and marvel of "how" and "why" things work inspired me to pursue a bachelor's degree in petroleum engineering at Texas A&M.

Petroleum and gas account for about 55% of the world's source of energy. Oil is the primary source of energy at about 33% and has been since mid-1950s. The significance value of petroleum and gas to humanity and our economy is what attract me to study this field of engineering. Also, the possibility of working in different countries or travel to remote regions of the world interests me. I want a career that is beneficial to society. During my campus visit, I felt welcome with random students passing by and acknowledging me with the traditional greeting, "Howdy!" I received directions to certain room on campus and even got help off-campus to the Memorial Student Center. The unique atmosphere and spirit made me realize that this is where I wanted to spend my next 2-3 years studying.

Along with being a student, I am a father of 3 children who are 7, 5, and 4 years old and I work a full-time job. I have been working as a pharmacy technician for about 4˝ years at a retail pharmacy; it is mostly independent work. I have attended the maximum amount of classes possible, nonstop from: spring, summer I & II, fall, and wintermester of both 2011 and 2012 that my work schedule permits. This predicament affected my grades slightly; nonetheless, it has helped me develop personal attributes and skills that I feel will make me a successful student. Since taking Chemistry and Physics I &II at my community college, I have developed a passion for hands-on activities and teamwork. Outside of classroom, I have been an active member of the Museum of Nature and Science for the past 2 years to satisfy my pursuit of knowledge.

In less than a year of working in the pharmacy, my manager entrusts me to manage the pharmacy's inventory. I've been meeting the goals and exceeded sales profit quarterly. My initiative approach to life can contribute to campus community by starting a studying group. My perseverance and dependability has made me a role model not only to my children, but also to my friends and coworkers. I can confidently be this model to others on campus through actions and effective communication. My community college was very internationally diverse in which the students spoke more than 75 first languages. I helped students who did not speak English quite well feel comfortable speaking up and it raise participation in class. Thus, I and others also benefited from those students sharing their thoughts and ideas. My own multicultural background I bring with my friendliness approach will help others understand and respect cultural diversity on campus to expand social interaction.

I wish to obtain a degree in a field where I could potentially contribute and make a difference to our society and economy in the near future. Energy is an essential need for mankind's quality of life, particularly oil. I am fortunate to have one of the highest nationally ranked petroleum engineering programs in my own state, here at Texas A&M. I would be even more blessed if given a chance to be part of the university. My ambition and desire to succeed will continue to bring the best out of me as a student and will proudly represent the same ambitious attitude of Texas A&M University students. I am aspiring to start my professional life and my journey to a promising future by earning an Aggie Ring. There is nothing more I could be grateful for than an opportunity to receive a quality education and acquire skills of profession as an Aggie.
cesaror123 4 / 7 4  
Dec 31, 2012   #2
While it would probably be better to clearly state your goals, I think that you can pretty much determine what your goals are in the essay. It's very well written and interesting but it would be easier to give you constructive criticism if you tell us the prompt you're writing about because the main goal of writing an essay is to answer the question. And as for the length, I think it's the perfect length, not too long, not too short, overall the essay is fantastic.
OP sobegreentea972 1 / 15 2  
Dec 31, 2012   #3
I appreciate the reply, and sorry about the topic. I thought all Statement of Purpose (SOP) was the same; sometimes it's call Personal Statement.

Here's the Topic

The statement of purpose will provide an opportunity to explain any extenuating circumstances that you feel could add value to your application. You may also want to explain unique aspects of your academic background or valued experiences you may have had that relate to your academic discipline. The statement of purpose is not meant to be a listing of accomplishments in high school or a record of your participation in school-related activities. Rather, this is your opportunity to address the admissions committee directly and to let us know more about you as an individual, in a manner that your transcripts and other application information cannot convey.
Kitsumi 4 / 97 16  
Jan 3, 2013   #4
As many psychology tests can attest to, the harder it is to help people the less likely they will be helped. I'd rather not give you my email, so if you want my help you'll have to post on this forum.

A note on this essay: it's slightly long, but it's fine if it's not over your particular word limit. I'm going to nitpick for grammar mistakes tomorrow, if you still want me to.
Kitsumi 4 / 97 16  
Jan 3, 2013   #5
@Kouteri did a very good job. Are you sure that PSE's are supposed to be 1 to 2 pages, single spaced? Because I think most are 1 to 2 pages, double spaced.

You're using "I have..." to begin your sentences a lot. Try to vary your diction and use other sentence starters.

2-3 years studying.

Spell out the numbers, as this is a formal essay.

I've been

Do not use contractions.

Overall, the essay is fine. Quite long, but as long as you're certain it's supposed to be single spaced, then you're okay. It reveals a lot of details that cannot be received from your transcripts.
OP sobegreentea972 1 / 15 2  
Jan 3, 2013   #6
Thanks for your advice.

The topic is really Statement of Purpose. I'm not sure about the layout, but from example and guidelines I've seen they're pretty long.

It includes goals, what you can bring to university, why "this" university.

It basically just sums up to fit, focus, and future.


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