I finished editing my essay but I've read it so much, I can't tell whether its good, mediocre, or seriously needs work!
Prompt:Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you.
Solomon
The typical "EAT MOR CHIKIN" cow posters, ketchup vinegar after taste, chocolate crumbs, and sticky fingers. We were ready to leave but too miserable to do so. It was a normal after school day in an even more commonplace setting. But I was meant to be there 100%.
"I see this is good party, where from?" inquired a foreign voice. In uniform economically fitted, stood a colored man with wise-aged eyes. With a washcloth in hand, this man who worked at Chick-Fil-A started to ask me and my friends about our school. We were sure he had overheard our earlier complaints about school work, so we spared him the trouble. He then proceeded to ask all of us what our best subjects were, and before we knew it, the scene had turned into an impromptu game where he generated questions based on our subjects. At one point he reached my friend Hafsa. "So statistics you say?" he nodded. "Well, let me ask you... what is the probability of your being here, right now?" After she answered with some calculated figure, he corrected her and said "But you are here now right? So it's 100%. You are here without a doubt at this very moment".
After us being baffled that it took us over a minute of doubt to answer that the carbon in carbon dioxide had a charge of 4, we were all asking ourselves the same question: why was this man working at Chick-fil-A? Afraid of being blunt, I inquired him about himself for a change. "My name is Solomon" he informed us. "Solomon means wisdom from god". It turned out, he was born in Nigeria, and has 3 daughters attending prestigious universities. Seeing our amazement, he didn't cease the opportunity to tell us about the further results of his grand parenting, but instead treated us as if we were his own.
NBF was motto #1 of his house during high school years. "No boyfriends" was too familiar to me and my friends in midst of our adolescent wishes otherwise. And #2: Don't be quiet and not ask questions. He looked me right in the eyes as I sat there guilty of pride since I had opted out of asking a math question earlier that day. But the biggest advice he gave me, was what he didn't say. His eyes told the story better than words. How could a clearly educated man end up in a fast food restaurant? What was a tragic scene in my eyes, turned out to be part of something bigger.
I went back to that Chick-Fil-A not too long ago, and surely, there he was asking a group of students some questions. After giving it some thought, I realized he was making a difference in the best way possible. His current work situation didn't leave him paralyzed, conforming, or sorrowful! The kind of job he does isn't defined as "clean-up member". He talked to us like he had talked to many students before. He has become a very special person in my life because showed me that no matter what your situation is, you can always make the best of it. His job is the best kind of job because it is not selfish. He took it upon himself to tell us "you have big plans for you, but god has bigger plans".
Meeting Solomon gradually impacted me to change the way I view my future. His plans were once big, but never would he have imagined that his message would reach a random girl so much, as to have her want to be like him. To this day, Solomon's ceaseless Samaritan spirit continues to guide me. My experience with Solomon helped me realize that in the future I don't want a job that just benefits myself. If I could guide and inspire just one person along the way like he did, that would be a job well done.
I have started writing the same essay, but a different person, which one sounds better?
"UNKNOWN" and "ANONYMOUS" tattooed in black ink across his arms. One month he has clean cut hair and casual ZARA wear, the next he has no hair and has gained 30 pounds of pure muscle. Hector Falcon isn't simply and artist who wants to get his view of the world out, he prefers to remain invisible. Literally, he has that tattooed across his back too.
When I met Hector Falcon at the age of 5, all I can recall is vinyl red walls and debris. Metal cans, glass jars, broken mirrors, microchips, and dried pickles on strings hanging from the ceiling decorated his downtown Mexico apartment. He has my brother's close friend, and he was the first person to show me that one should follow their dreams despite life's uncertainty. On my 7th birthday, he gave me my first piece of art. It was a photograph of my face, with a digital body and background. There was a colossal diamond ring on my middle finger and in writing it read: "For Aleksa, hoping you will shine brighter than diamonds." A couple weeks later my brother told me that Hector decided to leave Mexico City on impulse to pursue his dream and that he sent his goodbyes to us.
Every now and then I would look at the portrait he gave me, wondering why he disappeared suddenly. It wasn't until 2 years ago that my brother found his facebook and personal website. I quickly went on his profile and I couldn't believe my eyes. He went from selling digital art and watercolor paintings when I had met him, to being a graduate of a Japanese University and being featured in The New York Times. He had done projects that altered his body, and had combined art, science and his soul to achieve his dream. It wasn't like hearing those stories of successful individuals on TV, this was a man who I had met.
What impacted me about Hector the most was his mental drive. My brother began to tell me of how poor Hector was when we had met him. He had even considered giving up art and getting a bar tending job to help his parents out because his paintings wouldn't sell. When he left suddenly it was because he had gotten a scholarship to attend an art University in Japan. I didn't even have to ask, to know how hard he must have fought to make it in Japan, one of the richest countries in modern art. Not to mention the language barrier and the ever growing competition artists endure today. While reading some of the interviews he had done, one line changed me forever: "There were times were I was worried I wouldn't be able to survive in this world, so I created a world of my own, where I am invisible, and my dream allows me to survive."
I haven't finished since I'm not sure if its better, or not:/
definitely not too general (just wrote the same essay) but i feel in the last sentence of the first paragraph, the 100% part is to far fetched, even though it ties into the rest of the story. try adding how his advice in number two had a greater impact on you. i really liked how you chose someone who wasn't just a mom or aunt. really good idea.
I think I will stick with my first essay since the 2nd one might sound more cliche' (follow your dreams) type. I also thought the 100% was a bit odd, so I might end up taking it out. Thank you for the feedback:)
