(Write a concise narrative about an experience or accomplishment...)
I was fighting against an irreversible force, the ominous gene pool. When my sister came out of the womb she had a LSAT test prep book in her arms and a Louis Vuitton bag hanging from her umbilical cord. My brother never strived to be the best he could, but since his mediocrity was better than most- he was content. Then the youngest of three was born. I was the child who tried to relentlessly emulate everything my siblings had done just to keep up with the high standards set by my family.
Since middle school, I have been working twice as hard as my brother and sister just to stay nipping at their heels. This hard work was not solely directed at academics, it also was targeted towards extracurricular activities and sports. I wanted to prove to myself and my family that I could accomplish everything they had, such as being a member of student council or running cross country.
A stranger could feel the competitive atmosphere racing around our household with one step through our front door. I began sensing this aura in about 5th grade when I started running cross-country. Now, my brother actually had a craving to run and a natural ability, while I just had a craving for food that my parents tried to get under control. My first races were successful because I finished them, but they were unsuccessful because I finished the two-mile race in twenty-nine minutes. I would always praise myself for never walking, despite the fact that my running pace was actually slower than a walk. It really amazes me when I think back, because I realized that I never gave up-I just kept chugging along no matter how close the golf cart used to herd the last person into the finish line was to me.
Since then, I have blossomed into a confident, unique individual. I am now the captain of our girls' cross-country team and my story never fails to motivate an unenthusiastic freshmen. In addition to coming into my own at some of the same things my siblings accomplished, I have also found things that are exclusive to me. Every Sunday, I lector at my church in front of hundreds of people, which gets my heart racing more than running ever will. I am also active in many clubs such as Spanish Honor Society, and I am the president of National Honor Society. I feel as if I can appreciate my accomplishments more than my siblings because I had to work that much harder.
In the end, these life experiences of competing with my siblings have shown me that I can persevere in the face of adversity. At the University of Florida I will continue to set goals for myself and follow through. Not only will I bring leadership, integrity, and a strong work ethic to the UF community, but a positive attitude and a good sense of humor will also be in my suitcase.
LOVE the opening :)
two-mile race in twenty-nine minutes.
^^ i run cross country too, and while i know how bad this is, the reader WILL not know. TRUST me. theyll think, 2 miles in 30 mins? i cant do that. thats GREAT! you should probably tell "while the fastest girl runs it in seventeen minuntes" or something. (although i think there prolly faster. thats about a 2.5 time lol)
but anways, to make your them rly see your growth, you really should put somehting like that. :D
good luck!
It's very likely, just from a probability point of view, that whoever reads your essay had at least one sibling and should be able to easily relate this the topic, which never hurts. Even if they don't understand times as a cross country or track runner would, the description of the golf cart should definitely be a clear indicator to the reader that you weren't anywhere close to winning the race to say the least.
As a whole there aren't any glaring grammatical errors, so I think this essay will definitely get make a good impression!
