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"Sibling Class" - Something you do for the pleasure of it


rayban11 7 / 24  
Aug 28, 2010   #1
We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of you. Tell us about something you do for the pleasure of it. (100 words)

At our local hospital, Sibling Class is a program run by teenagers to help little kids adjust to the arrival of a new sibling. The kids are usually ten and under, but our favorites tend to be the youngest ones, who ask the most innocent but adorable questions. We have a lesson plan to complete, but the best part is doing drills with them, such as teaching them how to hold a baby or change diapers. As an only child, I never experienced any of this myself, so it has been really special for me to be a part of this.

Please be as critical as possible. I really appreciate bluntness/honesty. Thank you!
winstonli 6 / 15  
Aug 28, 2010   #2
very succinct! i can t find any problems with it for the most part. I might be a little simple?

but the best part is doing drills with them

may say "the most rewarding part..."

As an only child, I never experienced any of this myself, so it has been really special for me to be a part of this.

this seems a little abrupt.

overall very clear idea!
GL ^_^
paulm27 - / 1  
Aug 28, 2010   #3
most innocent but adorable questions.

I feel like this could be innocent AND adorable questions, or innocent yet adorable. Maybe it's just me..

We have a lesson plan to complete

Again, something feels weird about this, perhaps you could write:

"Although we have a lesson plan to complete, I feel most engaged with the kids when..."
Something along those lines.

I agree with winstonli, there should be a transition of sorts before you just jump into that only child sentence. Great topic though.
OP rayban11 7 / 24  
Aug 28, 2010   #4
Thank you for the comments. I really agree with what you said. Does this make more sense?

At our local hospital, Sibling Class is a program run by teenagers to help little kids adjust to the arrival of a new sibling. The kids are usually ten and under, but our favorites tend to be the youngest ones, who ask the most innocent yet adorable questions. Although we have a lesson plan to complete, the most rewarding part is doing drills with them, such as teaching them how to hold a baby or change diapers. As an only child myself, I never had the opportunity to experience any of this myself, so this has special significance for me.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Aug 30, 2010   #5
innocent but/yet adorable --- seems wrong, as though innocent and adorable are unlikely to go together. I would use "and" instead of "but"or "yet"

Too much 'myslef'
As an only child, myself , I never had the opportunity to experience any of this myself, so this has special significance for me.

Excellent ending. Do you have room to write more? This seems too brief. I really like it, though. Oh... I see that you are limited to 100 words.. Well, it is excellent.
Michael48304 8 / 31  
Aug 30, 2010   #6
It's really good!

"doing drills" seems like elementary wording. What about conducting or organizing?

Good luck!
OP rayban11 7 / 24  
Aug 30, 2010   #7
I agree with you Michael! I've been trying to find a better word to replace "doing," but I don't want to insert a word and have it seem like I just found it out of a thesaurus.

And Kevin, I agree with you too. I deleted the myself because that is a little repetitive, but I'm not sure what's the best way to combine "innocent" and "adorable." Right now, I have "and" but that sounds a little awkward as well...
swim2011 1 / 3  
Aug 30, 2010   #8
so it has been really special for me to be a part of this.

Changing "really" to "truly" sounds more sophisticated.
But wow, 100 words is so short - and I thought 150 was hard to manage!
jiajun95 4 / 7  
Sep 2, 2010   #9
Hmmm, i would hang out with friends once in a while, so as to relieve stress. Alternatively, i will go out for a walk, but make sure you dun splurge your money! I will walk aimlessly, well for me, it's kind of relaxing, because not only are you exercising, you are also letting your brain to take a rest too.

Nice and interesting topic though^^


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