Shyness and the Germans; Common App- Activity Expansion

Hey again, wow I'm putting a lot of essays up here. Then again, I'm sure many others are as well.
This essay is the response to the Activity question on the Common App. I originally wrote out a short essay, about one and a half times this size, and then "Cut out the fat", to make it 1000 words. Enjoy?

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Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum). (Activity in Question is Learning German)

Shyness and the Germans"Oh, wie Lange haben Sie Deutsch gelernt?"I have always been shy, or, so I'd told myself. I'd stayed this way for a large portion of my life, abroad and at home, and been comfortable with it. Yet, without even noticing, I started something that would change me.

I started teaching myself German.
I admit; my original motive to learning was the "Coolness factor" associated with Polyglotism. So I tried and tried my what I thought was my hardest to learn German.

Nothing. Not until I came across an idea to Speak German. My response to this was "I'm too shy!" But, I finally tried from the safety of my own computer.

As I connected, I said a quiet "hallo?" in what must have been a mix of an American, Lithuanian, and German accent. I waited for laughter. I was surprised to hear a voice, just as unsure, and just as foreign, respond. It became my first German conversation.

Others followed in the succeeding days, and I slowly stopped describing myself as "Shy", only "Me".
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Thanks, and feedback would be appreciated.
I know there are definitely parts I can fix.

I have always been shy, or so I have told myself.


As I have been this way for a large portion of my life, I have become comfortable with this fact.


Originally, my motive for learning the language was the "coolness factor" associated with (bilingualism?) (unless you speak many languages).


(you need to talk about your experience prior to trying to speak German)
It wasn't until I decided to try speaking the language that I began to understand.

I don't exactly see the connection between your shyness and German. I can see where you're trying to go, but you don't describe it well.

Yeah, I was worried that that may not have been clear. I feel like I ended it way too early, due to the character restriction. Is there a part earlier that you think I can live without?

Thanks for the input, those were basically the problem areas I had noticed.

I might consider going a couple of different routes in your format and then choose the clearest.
You could go with something like "I have been shy all of my life. For the most part, this shyness has never restricted me/held me back. However, in my pursuit of the German language, I found my shyness to be a factor that (held me back). [Then go on to describe shy/German experience]